Bad Movie There's No Such Thing As A Bad Movie!

B Movies, Cult Movies and Movies That You Might Not Have Heard Of!!

Friday, October 29, 2010

Human Centipede: First Sequence

When it comes to 'dare' movies, it seems that most of the good ones are all older, from the 80s or earlier.  But, suddenly, onto my radar popped Human Centipede: First Sequence, and a brand new 'dare' movie it's in the DVD player!!!

Now, don't worry that anything I write will 'give away' anything...this is a movie that you can tell everyone about, but it has to be seen to be believed!  So, here's the story:  Two girls are travelling through Germany, when they have a flat tire.  After wandering through the deserted wilderness for a while, they stumble upon a house and go to ask for help.  They had no idea that the house is owned by, probably the creepiest guy in Germany since Hitler died!  And, he's a surgeon!  Now, we've already seen our demented surgeon capture a truck driver, so it's not a surprise that he's got plans for our two helpless girls.  Soon, they find themselves drugged and tied down to hospital beds and our surgeon lays out his evil scheme!
It seems that he's obsessed with creating a Siamese twin, but with three people all joined at the digestive system.  That's right, he's going to sew one person's mouth to the other's rectum...and, while that might seem gross and disgusting written down, wait until you see our demented doc lay out his plans....and then watch as he implements them!!!  That's right, three people are all attached to each other to form one long digestive system...and, yes, it's one of the grossest things I've ever seen on film!  And, let's just say that when the first person in the centipede line goes to the's gonna make you pause the film and choke back a bit of bile!
I'm giving Human Centipede: First Sequence 4 out of 4 cigars...if your stomach is strong and you can take a dare.  If you're squeamish and faint of heart, just walk away from this one...but, if you can take it, you'll be able to brag to your friends that you sat through one of the sickest things ever filmed!  And, if you check out the interview with the director, you'll learn that, not only is this sickening surgery medically accurate and possible, but he's planning a sequel that will attach 12 people in this gross chain!  Human Centipede: First Sequence is probably one of the most gratuitous, pointless exercises in grotesqueness that I've ever witnessed...and I'm proud to say that I made it all the way through, so gird your loins, put away those snacks (you're not gonna need...or want...them) and get ready for a journey into weirdness!
And, that'll wrap up my month of Twisted Halloween Treats, so grab a handful of these DVDs, get comfy in your favorite chair and ignore the trick or treaters, who knows, the sick surgeon could be on the other side of that door!

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Hard Candy

Is there anything more disgusting or disturbing than pedophilia?  If there is, it's probably so disturbing that no one would ever talk about it!  But, if you like squirming in your seat and feeling like you're watching something that you shouldn't be, then you're going to love Hard Candy!

Young Hayley is meeting Jeff at a coffee shop, the only problem is that Jeff is a 30 something and Hayley is still a pre-teen!  Well, what we first witness is a bizarre dance between a predator and his prey, Jeff knows exactly all the right buttons to push with poor little Hayley, and Hayley seems to be drawn further and further into his web.  Eventually, Hayley makes it to Jeff's house, where Jeff tries to get her to drink and offers to 'take her photo', after all, he's a photographer and has worked with all the top models.  Now, don't think that this is going to turn into something that you shouldn't be watching at all, because soon, young Hayley turns the tables on Jeff and Jeff finds himself begging for mercy and looking for an escape!
In my opinion, Hard Candy is a movie that you should show your teenage daughters.  The beginning of the movie shows us, just how easy it is to draw in an unsuspecting young's truly disturbing and dark, but it's worth a bit of squirming in your seat for the ending of this amazing low budget movie!!
Hard Candy gets a solid 4 out of 4 cigars, it's a great dark tale that will make you think about how these slimy predators walk right among us unseen every day!!  So, until next time, when I'll be keeping a close eye on all my neighbors and reminding you that there's no such thing as a bad movie!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Cannibal Holocaust

In my ongoing Disturbed October, let's delve into a little Italian sub-genre, shall we?  That's right, this week, it's a cannibal movie, one that caused no end of trouble for it's poor director, Ruggero Deodato.  It's Cannibal Holocaust and it's one of the first 'cinema-vertie' movies ever!

Here's the story:  A film team has been sent deep into the Amazon, on a mission to find some of the native tribes.  So, the anthropologist who sent the team, takes a team of his own to retrace their steps to find his missing comrades.  As they make their way deep into the jungle, what they discover is tribe of people who have never seen white people, and figure that they might taste good!!!!
The real charm (if charm can really be used with a movie like this) of Cannibal Holocaust, is that it's presented mostly as 'found footage', this is the film that the teams took while on their respective trips, and we get to see some truly disturbing stuff...and some of it is actually real.  You see, Deodato had the brilliant idea to film the local people eating local cuisine, and killing it too!  So, we get to see a tortoise ripped from it's shell and several other animals killed and disemboweled...things that are pretty hard to watch, but the real footage of animal killings make the faked deaths of the people seem more real.  In fact, after filming, Deodato ordered his stars into a sort of exile before the film was released, to keep the believability about it.  The film was so seemingly realistic that Deodato was arrested and hauled before the Italian courts, and was forced to produce his cast to prove that he hadn't produced some twisted snuff film!
Now, if you're a bit squeamish, you'll probably want to avoid Cannibal Holocaust completely, but, if you're up for the dare, then I recommend the Grindhouse Releasing version, this gives you an option to skip through all the animals that were killed and just enjoy the human deaths!  Because, if you're like me, you'd much rather watch the people being tortured than the animals!
Cannibal Holocaust gets 4 out of 4 cigars for it's sheer lack of any redeeming value, it's gritty, disturbing and difficult to watch...and that's also what makes it great!  So, until next time, when I'll be eyeing my neighbors...they look like they might taste like chicken...remember that the best movies are bad movies.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Henry: Portait Of A Serial Killer

In my quest to bring you the most disturbing movies of all time during this Halloween season, it would be remiss of me to overlook one of my all time favorite 'dare movies', Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer!

Henry is the only movie, to my knowledge that was given an 'X' rating for it's "moral tone".  And, if you've ever seen Henry, then you'll know that it totally deserved that label!  Here's the story:
Henry is a seemingly normal, although quiet, guy.  He's just moved in with his friend Otis and his sister, Becky.  Otis is very concerned about getting to see his sister naked...which might seem a bit strange...until you dig deeper into the movie.  One afternoon, Otis get so angry, he says "I could just kill someone", well, that's just what Henry needed to hear.  And the movie dives into territory that will have you wanting to take a shower!
You see, as Henry begins to teach Otis how to be a killer, you start to realize that this is nearly a 'how to' movie about becoming a serial killer.  Henry teaches us about weapons, victim selection and where to get rid of's all very creepy.
If you can get through Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer, you've taken one step closer to being an official 'bad movie guy', this is one of those movies that people call 'dare movies', because you dare someone to get all the way through it...and those are the movies that I LOVE!
Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer gets 4 out of 4 cigars, it's slightly dated, and the effects aren't super great, but it's one of the most psychologically damaging movies ever made...and it's a Halloween must!  So, until next time, when I'll be leaving my bodies in a suitcase on the side of the freeway, remember that the best movies are bad movies!

Friday, October 15, 2010


It's October, and unlike spring, when a young man's fancy turns to love, it's autumn, where this young man's fancy turns to horror!  So, in honor of Halloween and my love of horror in general, I thought we'd take the next few weeks to talk about some of my all time favorite/most disturbing horror movies.  And, first up, let's talk about my favorite J-Horror movie, Audition.

If you haven't seen Audition, then sit back and enjoy the ride.  It's the story of a man who's looking for love, and he's decided that, instead of hitting the dating scene, he'll do auditions for a girl he wants to get to know better.  He picks a seemingly nice, very quiet girl and starts dating her.  And, at first, everything seems to go along quite nicely.  That's at first, as the movie moves forward, we discover that this girl has something wrong with her...something SERIOUSLY WRONG!!!

I won't give away the ending to this movie, because that would ruin a great film, but this is a must see movie!  Audition gets 4 out of 4 cigars, and it deserves 5 out of 4!  If you're looking for a wonderfully creepy movie, then Audition is for you!

Friday, October 08, 2010

The Horseman

A new audio review from Bad Movie!

The Horseman