tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-177620472024-02-06T20:54:42.192-05:00Bad Movie Guy.com...Where There's No Such Thing As A Bad Movie!B Movies, Cult Movies and Movies That You Might Not Have Heard Of!!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.comBlogger51125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-89814156532472828622014-11-08T14:43:00.001-05:002014-11-08T14:43:12.931-05:00The TinglerIf you know me, then you probably know that I'm a big William Castle fan. And, if you've never seen a William Castle movie, there's no better place to start than with The Tingler!<div><br></div><div><div><iframe style="width:120px;height:240px;" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" scrolling="no" frameborder="0" src="//ws-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&OneJS=1&Operation=GetAdHtml&MarketPlace=US&source=ac&ref=tf_til&ad_type=product_link&tracking_id=badmovguycom-20&marketplace=amazon&region=US&placement=B00000K3U3&asins=B00000K3U3&linkId=I7KVWUS7YVOXMCEA&show_border=true&link_opens_in_new_window=true"></div><div></iframe></div></div><div><br></div><div>The Tingler might have one of the flimsiest plots of all time. From the idea that something appears on your spine when your frightened, to the idea that a man, who's wife just died is hauling her body around town and no one even thinks twice about it, this movie is just plain weird. But that's also what makes it charming! There's a fun about The Tingler, or any William Castle movie really, that captures a moment in American film history. The place in time between the Universal monsters and the 'realistic' monsters like Leatherface or Jason. </div><div><br></div><div>While it won't make you frightened or even tense, The Tingler will entertain you completely! I'm giving The Tingler 4 out of 4 cigars, it's one of the best William Castle movies and it's just plain fun. Check it out ASAP!</div>Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-43315086981675630752014-04-08T05:28:00.001-04:002014-04-08T05:28:34.069-04:00I Spit On Your Grave 2If you know anything about me, then you probably know that I'm a big fan of the 'dare' movie. Any movie that basically dares you to make it to the end, whether it's so terribly bad or so terribly disturbing, it's a dare that I'm almost always up for. So, when I saw that the remade I Spit On Your Grave had a sequel, I knew that I had to check it out!<br />
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The premise here is basically the same as the original, a naive young girl falls into the sights of very bad men and then....let's just say very, very bad things happen! This sequel is set in New York City, so I was interested in how exactly it might play out, but this movie takes a weird turn and winds up in Bulgaria!!!! So, it's sort of a cross between I Spit On Your Grave and Hostel. Other than the setting change, this is exactly what you'd expect. Young girl is assaulted and abused, young girl is left for dead, young girl nurses herself back to health, young girl rains hell down upon the people who did this to her!</div>
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If you love revenge movies, you might like this...if you can manage to get through the first half of the movie, which is the 'dare' portion of our film! If you don't know what the 'dare' might be, then I'd just avoid this...and, as I've advised friends in the past. NEVER watch this movie around or near women, this is a movie that will make you uncomfortable sitting alone in your living room, let alone with someone of the opposite sex watching with you.</div>
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I'm giving I Spit On Your Grave 2 3 out of 4 cigars, if you're in the mood for being uncomfortable and then cheering on some much deserved vengeance, then you'll love it. If you just want another slasher movie, then don't get this movie, it might be too intense for you!</div>
Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-43654811943756085662014-02-06T15:12:00.001-05:002014-02-06T15:12:37.869-05:00The Bad SeedOne of my all time favorite horror movies, isn't really a horror movie at all. Originally a stage play, The Bad Seed might be the original serial killer movie.<div><br></div><div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><iframe src="http://rcm-na.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?t=badmovguycom-20&o=1&p=8&l=as1&asins=B0056EBI24&ref=tf_til&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr" style="width:120px;height:240px;" scrolling="no" marginwidth="0" marginheight="0" frameborder="0"></iframe></span></div></div><div><br></div><div>Rhoda is the perfect little girl, a right angel, but she has a bit of a temper. A temper that, if you find yourself on the wrong side of it, might lead to very bad things for you!</div><div><br></div><div>I think what makes this movie so creepy is that Rhoda is such a sweet girl when we meet her, then she kills a schoolmate who has a spelling bee medal that she wants. And, when the apartment's caretaker figures out what's going on, Rhoda has to get rid of him too! </div><div><br></div><div>The movie is layered with creepiness on top of creepiness. On top of the serial killer with the baby face, there's the couple who's child Rhoda murdered, so we have one couple who've lost a child and another single another single mother who knows that her child isn't what people think she is. And, the glee with which Rhoda gets rid of 'problems' gives The Bad Seed a tone of pure evil. There's a terrific scene where the apartment caretaker is set on fire, while Rhoda plays the piano and Rhoda's mother and a neighbor both talk about what's going on, Rhoda's mother raving about her daughter murdering the man and the neighbor talking about how good it is that poor little Rhoda didn't see the horror. And, while we never see anything horrific, the reaction of the women makes this all the more terrible.</div><div><br></div><div>If you never seen The Bad Seed, then you're missing a true horror classic! The acting is good, the story is years ahead of it's time and the ending will have your skin crawling! It's from 1956, but this movie is like watching an episode of Leave It To Beaver...if Beavef we're burying body parts in the back yard! I give The Bad Seed 4 out of 4 cigars, it's a movie that I've seen dozens of times and I'll still sit and watch it if it comes on TCM...it's a movie that will stay with you for a long time!</div>Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-15455562609770853802014-01-16T05:21:00.001-05:002014-01-16T05:21:21.814-05:00LovelaceEveryone's heard of Linda Lovelace but most of us don't know much about her, aside from her starring in, arguably, the most famous porn movie of all time. But a new movie, Lovelace, takes this strange, tragic figure and tells us a bit of her story, from her perspective.<br />
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The story here begins with Linda, as a 21 year old, meeting the man who would lead her into the dark world she's about to enter. Her home life is less than perfect, her mother is a cold, religiously zealous woman and her father, while nicer, isn't exactly assertive. We follow Linda from the making of Deep Throat on through her final media appearance, promoting her autobiography on the Donahue show...and if you know what the Donahue show is, then you're as old as I am!</div>
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What you might imagine is a bit titillating, turns out to be just the sad story of a girl who needed a bit more attention and guidance than she got! I'm giving Lovelace 4 out of 4 cigars, it's got some amazing performances in it and it's always interesting to see what happened behind the scenes of any infamous movie!</div>
Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-17885260709259871962014-01-06T05:18:00.000-05:002014-01-06T05:18:21.115-05:00The Lone RangerI can still hear the words in my ears, 'A fiery horse with the speed of light, a cloud of dust and a hearty hi ho Silver, away! The Lone Ranger!'. Now, today that sounds a bit 'quaint' and 'dated', but if you allow yourself to remember the time, and be drawn into the story just a bit, then it's a little piece of magic! For full disclosure, I've been a fan of The Lone Ranger since I was a kid, I'm not old enough for the original radio shows, or even the first run TV shows, but it was still in reruns when I was a kid and, to me, this was a 'wild west Superman', someone who embodied all the 'big blue boy scout' niceness of Superman, but was actually a human. The Lone Ranger was never mean or cruel, he wasn't interested in gunning down the bad guys, he was a law man, and embodied the best of what we should be, and he was a Texas Ranger, so how cool is that?<br />
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So, when I saw that Disney was making a big budget Lone Ranger movie, I was pretty excited, even with Johnny Depp as Tonto, I was still excited. Then the reviews started rolling in, and they weren't that good, and the audience wasn't there, so it left theatres pretty quickly, and I just never got to the theatre to see it. So, thank God for VOD, because I finally got the chance to sit down and see if The Lone Ranger was really as bad as they said, and if they'd done one of the heroes of my youth a big disservice.....and you know, they didn't. This movie isn't nearly as bad as everyone pretended it was!<br />
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This is really an origin story, and, if you don't know, the story is an interesting one, a group of Texas Rangers head into the badlands to capture Butch Cavandish and his gang, but are ambushed and all but one is killed, that ranger is nursed back to health by Tonto, who becomes the Ranger's loyal companion. In this version, all the rangers are killed and Tonto, who apparently has some spiritual power, brings him back from the dead. The ranger than sets out on his quest for justice. Another big difference is that, in this version, it's not just the outlaws who are the bad guys, this time the railroad company's executives are in on the scheme too! <br />
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Really, this isn't as bad a movie as everyone made it out to be. Are there problems? Yes, the focus being on Tonto was a bit strange, and making Tonto some sort of deranged medicine man was odd, but Depp does a excellent imitation of Jay Silverheels, and Armie Hammer is pretty good as the Lone Ranger. Was this the best movie I ever saw? Not by a long shot! And, it did sort of feel like Pirates Of The Caribbean meets the wild west, but the story isn't terrible, the acting is strong and it's a terrific homage to a mostly forgotten franchise!<br />
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I'm giving The Lone Ranger 3 out of 4 cigars, it's not going to be your favorite movie, but, unless you're a lemming, you're not going to bash it as the worst thing ever, either!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-46305208139240515062013-08-09T04:28:00.001-04:002013-08-09T04:28:08.781-04:00The SadistI'll admit it, I'm a huge sucker for old 'drive-in' style movies. And, when I come across one that clearly would have been on the second bill at a drive in, and it's actually a very good movie, then I just couldn't be happier. Well, that's exactly what happened with The Sadist! A 'B' movie that should have gotten much more respect!<br />
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The Sadist is the story of a trio of teachers on their way to a baseball game. Their car breaks down and they're forced to stop at a secluded junk yard to try to fix their car. (Remember, this is the 60s, so you could actually fix your own car if you wanted to!). What they come across is an abandoned yard and, soon, run into Arch Hall Jr. and his girlfriend! Now, Arch plays the title character...said sadist...with such scene chewing panache that you can't take your eyes off of him! He's the character that draws you into this movie. You see, Arch is an evil teen, on the run from the law. He's killed several people across a couple of states and is just looking to kill more people, which is what happens here. You see, Arch needs their car, and he needs it fixed so he can continue his rampage, so he proceeds to torture them, both physically and mentally, our poor teachers to the limit of their endurance, until, ultimately, they're forced to fight back or die!
The real beauty of this movie is that it was made in 1963, years before Texas Chainsaw, but it manages to capture that same mood. The violence for sake of itself, and the terror inflicted because the person inflicting it thinks it's fun! The Sadist is one of the most intense, terrifying movies I've seen from that era. By today's standards, it might seems a bit tame, but if you close the curtains, turn down the lights and allow the movie to work it's magic, you'll soon find yourself rooting for the heroes and wincing in fear with every twitch that Arch throws at you!
I'm giving The Sadist 4 out of 4 cigars, it's a movie that will definitely find a place of honor on my shelf...and repeat viewings!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-77901143658659517682013-07-23T04:35:00.001-04:002013-07-23T04:35:31.896-04:00Classically Bad: The Thing With Two HeadsNot sure why, but 70's schmaltz is so much better than schmaltz from today. I guess it's because of the earnestness of the acting, or maybe it's seeing classically trained actors doing such obvious junk. In any case, it's just fun to see these movies today, and think about the 'good old days' when you could head to the drive in (or your local grindhouse) and see these movies on a big screen! Well, I'll stop waxing nostalgic now and tell you what put me in this mood. It's the "excellent" movie, The Thing With Two Heads!<br />
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Ray Milland plays an accomplished transplant surgeon with a little problem, he's a huge racist, or, in 70s lingo, biggot. He's working on a process that will allow him to transplant his head onto another body to keep himself alive longer. I guess because biggotry needed to be moved forward or something. Well, when his head winds up on Rosie Greer's body things couldn't go worse...or more hysterically funny!
Rosie plays a death row inmate who's innocent and determined to stay alive long enough to prove it, and volunteering for scientific experiments will keep him alive...although with an old, angry, biggoted head on his shoulders!
This movie begins as a straight-ahead, sci-fi movie, with a two headed gorilla and a lot of scenes in the operating room. But, once the head is transplanted, it turns into a combination monster movie and Smokey and the Bandit! Yes, the two headed monster steals a car and leads the police on a wild (and really long) car chase, crashing cars and lots of wild 70s music included. Then, after leaving the car, are chased onto the track of a motocross race, where...you guessed it...the monster steals a motorcycle and the chase continues...and continues for a loooooooong time! In the end, a surgeon removes the evil biggot from Rosie and the Rosie, his doctor and his girlfriend drive off into the sunset singing 'Oh Happy Day!'...that's right, after all the lessons that appear to be on the way about race relations, we end with three black people singing an old spiritual. No word on Rosie's innocence and the biggot's head is left alive, so I didn't really feel like I learned anything about race relations...except that old white biggoted surgeons don't like young hip black surgeons....which I probably could have guessed if I'd given it much thought!
As a movie, I'd give The Thing With Two Heads 2 out of 4 cigars, but, if you're like me and just enjoy a bit of 70s goofiness, then it gets 4 out of 4, it's weird, it's fun and it's just odd enough to be something you can't take your eyes off of!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-89915545756813716832013-07-16T03:19:00.001-04:002013-07-16T03:21:24.493-04:00The Baby (1973)The 70s were a golden age for weird movies. You had everything from low budget gore (Herschel Gordon Lewis) to honest to God porno (Deep Throat) hitting theaters around the country. But, one of the strangest things I've seen from the 70s, has to be The Baby!<br />
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The Baby is the story of a young social worker who's been assigned to the case of a teen boy, who's kept in a giant crib & wears diapers. No, he's not some weird fetishist, he's mentally a baby. But our social worker heroine believes that her even stranger (if that's possible) family is keeping him that way because of mother's mindless hatred of men. So, our hero initiates a plan to take the baby with her and try to make him grow up!<br />
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The Baby is, honestly, one of the strangest movies I've seen in years! There's the uncomfortable vibe throughout the whole movie, then there's also this, even stranger, sexual vibe at the same time! There's even an instance of one of the baby's big sisters disrobing and getting in the crib with him...awkward at best!</div>
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If you enjoy these strange pieces of cinematic history, then join me in catching this largely unseen gem! You'll feel uncomfortable and a bit creepy, but stick with it, The Baby has an ending that will leave you gob-smacked! Trust me, I've seen a lot of movies and I never saw this coming!</div>
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I'm giving The Baby 4 out of 4 cigars, it's something that you might want to stop watching around the middle, but hang in there, the payoff is totally worth the discomfort!</div>
Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-68386096488721946142013-03-26T04:13:00.000-04:002013-03-26T04:13:58.036-04:00The Expendables 2When the original The Expendables hit theatres, I have to admit to being nearly as excited as a teen aged girl at one of those N'Sync concerts. After all, Stallone, Arnold and Willis all on the same screen! Not to mention, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren....it just didn't get any better for a fan of 80s action...which I totally was. So, when The Expendables 2 hit, I was almost as excited, but decided to wait for DVD, not for any special reason, just not enough time to hit the theatre every weekend anymore. So, finally, I took the time to sit down and catch up with my old friends, and....I have to admit to being slightly disappointed.<br />
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If you saw the original The Expendables, then you know the road here. Group of semi-bikers/mercenaries take on a bad guy in a foreign land. The only difference here is that the bad guy is Jean-Claude Van Damme! And, as sad as this might seem, Van Damme is the best part of this movie, outshining everyone, include the 'Big 3' (Ah-nold, Stallone & Bruce). The charm of the original was getting all these cool action heroes together in one story, and mixing them with some current action stars to make an amazing action movie! Well, this time it seemed like everyone who was left out of the first movie, saw that it made money and called up Stallone to get in on the action...and it's not the cool movie action I'm talking about there! This time around, we're treated to what begins to feel like and endless stream of old catch-phrases and an interminable amount of winking at the camera. At one point, Chuck Norris shows up, alone, kills a bunch of bad guys and then manages to squeeze in a 'Chuck Norris Fact' before he wanders back off set...truly sad! If you ever had any love for the 80s action movie, then do yourself a favor and check out The Expendables, but, if you ever had ANY love for the 80s action movie stars, walk past The Expendables 2...it's the difference in seeing your grandfather as an older guy who can still kick some ass and seeing him telling the same old stories in his recliner! <br />
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I'm giving The Expendables 2, 2 out of 4 cigars, it took the original and blew it up in one of those amazing 80s action star explosions!!!</div>
Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-50020129272094385422013-03-15T05:25:00.002-04:002013-03-15T05:28:04.504-04:00DreddAs an avowed comic book guy, I will usually sit through anything that's based on a comic book...even if I'm not a fan or reader of that particular book. So, when I saw that Dredd was finally on DVD, I couldn't wait to find the time to drop it in the player and see 1) if it was any good and 2) how it compared to the horrific Stallone version. Well, I have to say, I was more impressed than I thought I'd be!<br />
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Now, in case you're unfamiliar with Judge Dredd, he lives in a dystopian future where 'judges' are the cops on the street...but they're really judge, jury and executioner. Which leads to terrific violence, which you know I'm a big fan of! In this story, Dredd is evaluating a rookie judge, the two of them are sent to an apartment tower called Peach Trees, to investigate a murder. The murder is really a drug hit, and when the two judges arrest a suspect, the leader of the drug cartel locks down the complex and orders the two judges killed. The interesting thing about this story is that they don't give you an 'origin' story, we're introduced to Dredd and we're expected to figure it out as we go...which I always enjoy, don't you hate it when a movie seems to be talking down to you? I'm no dummy, I'm sure I can keep up with a comic book story, just tell me the story, don't keep explaining yourself to me! Dredd is one of the better comic book movies that I've seen in recent years (with Marvel excluded), the story is action-packed enough to keep it moving, while still introducing the character and giving us enough back story to make you hope for a sequel! Karl Urban is terrific as Dredd, he's quickly becoming one of my favorite genre actors, just between this and Star Trek, you can really see this guy's got some range! And, unlike the Stallone version, the movie is about the character NOT the star, we never get to see Dredd without his helmet...like in the comic book, kudos to Urban for serving the character and not his own ego! I'm giving Dredd 4 out of 4 cigars, if you like your justice dished out from the barrel of a gun, then you'll love Dredd!!!!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-16322285308337888832013-03-01T06:39:00.001-05:002013-03-01T06:39:13.707-05:00Snowmageddon!Oh, the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful, and if you've no place to go, let it snow, let it snow, let it SNOWMAGEDDON!!!! If you read any of my reviews or articles, whether here or over at <a href="http://www.roguecinema.com/" target="_blank">Rogue Cinema</a> then you know that I have a deep and abiding love of all things ‘cheesy’ and b-movie-ish. Well, that most certainly means that I tend to love those SyFy Channel movies (even though there are just a TON of them) about giant monsters or nature attacking. Well, there’s one out on DVD that's appropriate for the spate of weather we've been having across the country lately, it’s Snowmageddon and it’s one of the weirdest yet!<br />
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It all takes place in Normal, Alaska….a place that’s soon to be anything but normal, by the way. When the local sheriff’s son gets a snow globe in the mail, that’s a complete mock-up of the town, it all starts getting strange. You see, there are buttons on the side of the snow globe, and when pushed things happen inside the globe….bad things….and anything that happens in the snow globe, happens in the town, so there are unexplained earthquakes, avalanches and strange icicle-throwing storms! And, the only person who knows what’s going on is the sheriff’s son…and no one believes him.<br />
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Snowmageddon isn’t a movie that’s going to win awards, but its fun. The actors are clearly having fun, and there’s no pressure to deliver and Oscar-caliber performance, we can just take the material and have some fun and make a harmless action/disaster movie. If you like this kind of thing then you’ll love Snowmageddon; if you like your movies a bit more believable or realistic…look elsewhere! I’m giving Snowmageddon 3 out of 4 cigars, if you hate these kinds of movie, then don’t waste your time but if you’re like me, then you’re going to grab this one, it's a great way to spend a snowy Saturday afternoon!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-43359641834603205202013-01-05T13:05:00.000-05:002013-01-05T13:06:42.312-05:00An Open Letter To The Makers Of Texas Chainsaw 3D<span style="font-size: large;">If you haven't seen the movie, please be warned....there are spoilers ahead!!!</span><br />
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First, let me state (for those who don't know me) that I'm one of the biggest fans of the Texas Chainsaw franchise that there is. I've seen every movie, own them on DVD and even have a small statue of Leatherface...so this doesn't come from a place of hate. But, I feel that I have to say this, the new Texas Chainsaw 3D is one of the most disappointing movies I've seen in some time.<br />
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When I first read about this sequel/remake, I wasn't all that excited, after all, we've been down this road before with mixed results. But after reading about what the plot of the movie was going to be, I began to get excited. After all, we've seen remake and retellings, but we've never seen a sequel to the original...not a straight-ahead sequel anyway, and that seemed like it had potential.<br />
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The idea of rebuilding the original house, and continuing the story from where the original 1974 movie ended was, in my opinion, sheer brilliance! After all, didn't we all wonder what happened after Sally Hardesty got away? Well, when you planned to tell that story, I was pretty excited, all of our old friends would be back, The Cook, Grandpa and, of course, Leatherface...what could be better?<br />
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Well, sitting in the darkened theatre, I couldn't wait, then the movie began and I couldn't believe it, it was actually opening with the original movie!! We really were going back to the beginning and picking the story up! Genius! Then, as the movie moved on, some things began to bother me.<br />
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First, the original was done in 1974, but this movie clearly takes place in the present. Now, I know there were no dates given in the original, but it was pretty obvious that it was 1974, so, if we allow for Heather's age, it should be around 1994, at least, but, since it's 2012 in the movie, then Heather should be nearly 40! And Leatherface would easily be in his 60s!!!!!! He got around pretty good for an old guy carrying a chainsaw.<br />
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Next, where did all the Sawyers come from?? In the original, I don't remember anyone mentioning a bigger family, it was Drayton, Grandpa, the Hitchhiker and Leatherface...where the hell did the big Sawyer clan come from??? I understand that we're taking some license here, but shouldn't we explain where all these people came from? Did the original Sawyer bunch live on the larger Sawyer property and the bigger clan left them alone?? A bit of explanation might have been in order.<br />
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And, finally, the thing that bothered me the most, how could you possibly make a Texas Chainsaw movie and wind up making the Sawyers the GOOD GUYS?!?!?!?! The whole 'charm' of the Texas Chainsaw movies was the unrepentant evil that was in the family, the fact that they didn't see people in the same way that we do, the fact that killing was just something that was done, without remorse or a second thought. The fact that the Sawyers were the villains of the piece was part of the fun of a Texas Chainsaw movie. Trying to make the Hartman family some kind of Hatfields to the Sawyers McCoys was nothing short of ignorant!<br />
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In an interview, I read that the plan was to make the Texas Chainsaw franchise the next Saw. In the Saw movies, the filmmakers became focused on new and innovative ways to kill people, nearly to the exclusion of all else. In this movie, you really didn't even do that, there wasn't any new or innovative kills, the only mildly interesting murder was cutting a man in half....and even that's been done in other Texas Chainsaw movies, so there wasn't even any new ground broken in that regard.<br />
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All you really did was take a known name in terror and marginalize it. Making the 'monster' sympathetic, or attempting to, in a Texas Chainsaw movie, takes away all the teeth that the franchise held. The point of a Texas Chainsaw movie is to make the audience uncomfortable, to take us somewhere that we don't want to go, and, ultimately, scare the hell out of us. Texas Chainsaw 3D never scared me once, I never felt uncomfortable, and, after the movie was over, I felt disappointed. All the potential that was there for an original story to follow up the first movie was completely wasted, and making the Sawyers 'sympathetic', ruined any follow up that could have happened. After all, no one wants to see Leatherface as the misunderstood hero, he's an unrepentant killer...that's what's scary about him. Now, he's just a mentally deficient guy who loves his family...not that scary!<br />
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In closing, if the plan was the make this the new Saw...meaning that we could drop one of these out every year...rethink the direction that you're taking. It's not too late to save the franchise, you can pick the story up where it is, but twist it, bring our original dark, evil, unremorseful, Leatherface back to us, give us a story that will make us cringe in our seats, that will have us leaving the theatre saying to each other, 'what the fuck did we just see?!?!', a movie that is worthy of the name Texas Chainsaw!<br />
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Thank you,<br />
The Saw Is FamilyBrian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-51061897172207072892012-12-13T04:22:00.002-05:002012-12-13T04:22:37.910-05:00Bucky Larson: Born To Be A StarOkay, in the past, I've defended Adam Sandler. Some people don't like his sense of humor, but I've always found the 'dumb' humor entertaining. Well, I think Mr. Sandler and company might have worn out their welcome. Dumb-comedy is fine, but there has to be some comedy with the dumb!!!! In Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star, there's one joke....and then it's just dumb from there!<br />
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The premise is pretty simple, innocent Bucky is from Iowa, he discovers that his parents were porn stars in the 70s and decides that being a porn star is his destiny! So, from there, I can only imagine Mr. Sandler and his crew sitting around making dick jokes and using all sorts of dirty words and euphemisms and giggling like middle-school boys...which is fine, just don't think that it can sustain a movie for an hour and a half!</div>
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Bucky Larson is really just more of the same from Sandler's Happy Madison company, there's the naive hero, there's a couple of 'meanies' who are out to get him, there's a bad guy who really turns out to have a heart of gold, and there's the 'that-chicks-too-hot-for-that-guy' heroine. It all adds up to more of the same, you never wonder what might happen next, there's no jokes that made me laugh and, after just a couple of minutes, even the 'weiner' jokes stopped making me mildly amused. It's sad really, because as a guy, dick jokes and fart jokes should never NOT be funny....thanks Happy Madison!!!!</div>
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I'm giving Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star 1 out of 4 cigars, and that 1 is only for you die-hard Sandler aficionados...you might enjoy this....but most normal people won't! My personal motto is 'there's no such thing as a bad movie'....but I might rethink that one for this movie!</div>
Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-4163105531073007212012-09-29T09:15:00.000-04:002012-09-29T09:21:14.706-04:00BunnymanWhen I see something named Bunnyman, you know that it's gonna catch my attention. My first thought is that Captain Kangaroo's sidekick has gone rogue....and, if you got that reference, welcome to 'old guy' status! But, what we really here is just...more of the same.<br />
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A group of 'teens' are travelling through a rural countryside by car, when they come across a truck that's going slow. They pass him, and so begins their trouble. It seems that there's a crazy, killer family in the area and they're on the war path! And the leader of this little band of psychos dresses in an 'Easter Bunny' costume...yes, you read that correctly, it's a serial killer Easter bunny, and, it's just as scary as you might imagine, unless you have some kind of debilitating fear of guys dressed in Easter bunny costumes, then this might be the most terrifying thing you ever saw!</div>
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The real trouble here is that this is just more of the same, another movie that wants to shock and terrorize us with a 'Texas Chainsaw' family. The only really interesting thing here is the makeup that's under the bunny mask, I won't tell you more, and you only see it once, but under that giant paper-mache head is some really excellent makeup, that's totally wasted!</div>
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I'm giving Bunnyman 1 out of 4 cigars, it's a movie to pick up, look at and then sit right back down, it's not scary, it's not original and it's not worth a second of your time!<br />
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Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-68421949785153317072012-08-09T05:26:00.000-04:002012-08-09T05:26:03.243-04:00The Girls With The Dragon TattoosWhen a book enters the public conscious, it's not long before there's a movie version planned and those movies are always held to the highest standards by fandom. You saw it with those Twilight books, then again with those Hunger Game books. But, I don't think I've ever seen a book (or a movie) move onto everyones radar like The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.<br />
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Having read the book, I have to admit, I didn't see how they could make a movie as dense as the novel. So, when I sat down with the original Swedish version, I was skeptical....and then surprised!<br />
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The original movie, with Noomi Rapace as the title character, is just as much the taught thriller that the novel is. The story is basically a murder mystery, but with so much back story and so much going on that it's really much more than that...and the movie captures everything that the book brings (which is pretty rare). Noomi Rapace is amazing as Lisbeth (the girl with that tattoo), she embodies both alienation and feminism, at the same time, it's a performance that you really need to see to believe. The original movie is such a great film that, when I heard an English language remake was happening, I couldn't imagine it measuring up in any way....but, again, was I surprised!</div>
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In the U.S. version, Rapace is replaced by Rooney Mara, who makes the character her own, without taking anything away from the story itself....it's a true testament to acting talent, in my opinion. And, while the story is the same, the film styles are different enough that I actually enjoyed the movie again, and even felt like I was hearing the same story from a different storyteller who was bringing their unique style...which, I guess...they were!</div>
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The bottom line here is that it doesn't matter which version you catch, just make sure you catch this movie. There are scenes that are difficult to watch, but they're all integral to the story, and remember the 'law of the movies', the worse the bad guys acts, the worse his punishment must be at the end...and it all does pay off in the end!</div>
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I'm giving BOTH versions of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo 4 out of 4 cigars, it just depends on whether or not you want to read subtitles, but both movies are excellent and both are well worth your time...in fact, try to catch both, just to see the differences and to enjoy both actresses interpretation of the material...you won't be disappointed!</div>Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-48199167452993192132012-07-13T04:41:00.003-04:002012-07-13T04:41:56.613-04:00Human Centipede 2: Full SequenceIf you've never seen the original Human Centipede, do yourself a favor, check it out. Yes, it's gross, yes, it's disturbing, but it's also a well written, well thought out, scary 'mad scientist' movie! So, I was really looking forward to the sequel Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence, especially since it was billed as making the original movie look like "My Little Pony"!<br />
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This sequel isn't really a sequel, in that it doesn't pick up where the last movie left off. This is the story of a 'crazy midget' who's mentally disturbed and becomes obsessed with the original movie...to the point that he wants to replicate the experiment!!! Which, eventually, he does.</div>
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To delve too deeply into plot particulars would be to ruin the creepiness and starkness of this dark, dark movie. Suffice it to say, if you've seen movies like Texas Chain Saw Massacre and Mum And Dad, this movie captures a little slice of deeply disturbed individuals who've been left to their own devices to the point of complete insanity! There's even a wonderful device that the movie uses, the main villain of the piece never speaks a word, EVER, not one word in the entire movie, which makes him more alien to you, he's bit sympathetic, but that goes away pretty quickly!</div>
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Tom Six has really done it again, making me wonder a bit about his personal sanity, coming up with deeply disturbed characters like these!!! I'm giving Human Centipede 2: Full Sequence, 4 out of 4 cigars, it's not for everyone, but if you enjoy a great, well written 'dare' movie, then you'll love this. There's 12 people attached ass to mouth, a ton of crow bar to the head action and I won't mention the baby stomping....that's just plain wrong! If you've got the stomach, check it out!!!</div>Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-29781593959528362652012-06-01T04:40:00.002-04:002012-06-01T04:40:59.021-04:00Land Of The Lost (2009)In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit, right up front, that I was never a huge fan of the original Sid and Marty Kroft version of Land Of The Lost. I guess, since it was the 70s, I wasn't stoned enough to enjoy it!! So, I'm not sure what possessed me to sit down one afternoon and check out the movie...but I did, and now I'll never get that time back!!!!<br />
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If you're familiar, then you'll know that Marshall, Will and Holly, on a routine expedition, met the greatest earthquake ever known. Well, it all happens here too...and then, you're going to want to take the LSD to enjoy the rest of this movie! The trio are transported from our world to another dimension where things from all parts of time have gathered...both future and past. So, it's a huge desert with anything you can imagine in it....which makes it easy for the writers, I guess...not that it helped them any, seems like the LSD might have been readily available in the writer's room too!!!<br />
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So, our intrepid trio have to find a way back to our world from this weird freaked out world. On their trip, they first meet Cha-ka...the monkey boy from the original series, who goes from innocent monkey boy to the inciter of many dirty jokes...so funny...and the Sleestaks, a species of lizard people who are here for some reason that's not really explained. One of them is evil and has been banished, and he's here and then there's a bunch of other Sleestaks here and they're working for him, or not, it's not really clear. So, after a chasing a pterodactyl, fighting Sleestaks, fighting a dinosaur and getting pooped out of a Tyrannosaurus, Will Ferrell finally they get home and all is right with the world...except that this movie exists!<br />
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The bottom line on Land Of The Lost is it's a movie to be put on the shelf and avoided, don't put it in the DVD player...don't even keep it in the same room!!! That's too close! I'd give it 1 out of 4 cigars....but it's not even worth 1, this movie made me wish that I could find an alternate dimension where I could get the 2 hours of my life back that I spent watching this. It's not funny, it's not exciting, it's not much except a complete waste of time!!! Do yourself a favor and, if you think to yourself, 'hey, maybe I'll watch Land Of The Lost'....slap yourself.....HARD....it'll be much better and much more entertaining than this movie!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-46332432267553435832012-04-02T05:27:00.000-04:002012-04-02T05:27:55.708-04:00PriestAh, the dystopian future! We've seen it in so many movie, it kinda feels warm and familiar by now, doesn't it? Well, it should, because, apparently, there's really nothing new to see out there. At least that's the way I felt after sitting through the high-on-concept/short-on-delivery movie, Priest.<br />
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</div><div align="left">Here's the story: it's a world where vampires and humans have been at war for centuries. Vampires aren't the cape-clad, romantic figures that we know, they're closer to strange, slimy insects who drink blood. But, the war that went on for centuries was ended when the Catholic church formed a group of priests who were trained to battle the vampires. But, when the war ended, and the vampires were driven back to reservations and the priests were retired and dropped back into normal society...it all sounds sort of familiar, right?</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Now, years later, one priest's, played by Paul Bettany, family has been killed and his niece has been captured by vampires. After asking the church for help, he's informed that there are no more vampires and that no war exists....so, true to this kind of movie, Paul sets out on his own to get his niece back and the kill all the vampires.</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">This movie has some original ideas, combined with some familiar premises...which usually works for me. But, Priest just takes these ideas and presents them as is, there's nothing different or original here! Man's family is messed with, man swears revenge, man finds allies, man gets revenge, movie sets up for a sequel...nothing new or original at all, and there was so much that could have been done with this story! The idea of fighting priest battling vampires is great, there's the idea of a vampire queen (sort of like a queen bee) that never really pans out, there's a priest that's been turned by the vampires and there's a huge amount of time spent setting up the conflict between normal-priest and vampire-priest, but the final showdown is lackluster and ends to quickly to be satisfying!</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Overall, this is a great concept that was poorly executed. Could I have done better, probably not, but I'm not a filmmaker...as they say, I don't know if it's good, I just know what I like...and I didn't like Priest! I'm giving Priest 1 out of 4 cigars, and that 1 has been turned by the vampires! You want to see a more interesting vampire movie, rent John Carpenter's Vampires, it's closer to what this wanted to be! </div>Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-2563840838138352472012-03-09T04:44:00.000-05:002012-03-09T04:44:53.280-05:00LemmyRecently, I've been on a sort of 'music tear'. I discovered a documentary series called 'Metal Evolution' and it's opened a whole world of music to me that I never really paid much attention to....Heavy Metal. So, in my explorations, I've discovered the band, Motorhead, and their lead singer, Lemmy. And, I also discovered a little documentary about Lemmy that's a terrific movie, whether you like the music or not!<br />
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</div><div align="left">Now, music aside, Lemmy's been about the music business since he first saw The Beatles...at the Cavern Club...before they had a record contract!!! That's when he started his career in music, one that didn't start off too well and led him to working behind the scenes just to stay close to the business that he loved. And his behind the scenes job?? Lemmy was a roadie....for Jimi Hendrix!!! So, just from those two aspects, he's a guy who's got a story to tell, then, get to Motorhead, arguably one of the best...and longest lived...metal bands of all time and you've got yourself a story. But that's just the music, Lemmy, the man, is just as interesting!</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Lemmy, at the time of the film, is a man in his mid-60s, who's still living the 'rock and roll' lifestyle unapologetically. He drinks, he smokes, he does some drugs, and he lives by a philosophy of live and let live. He lives in a small apartment in Los Angeles, he walks every day to a local watering hole and drinks and plays video trivia and does what he likes to do...and nothing else. And, it's not just a camera following Lemmy, as interesting as that might be, we meet a ton of people who admire and want to work with Lemmy, members of nearly every metal band there is are present and singing his praises for keeping the metal banner high and up front!</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Now, life's not all one big party for Motorhead's leader, there's a short scene near the end of the movie, where we find Lemmy alone in his dressing room in Berlin, waiting to go on. The filmmakers ask him if he has any regrets, and, as Lemmy is telling us that this is his life and he wouldn't change a thing, you can't help but see in his eyes that he does, in fact, have some regrets, but has chosen not to dwell on them...it's a very poignant scene that reveals much more than you might think.</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">If you love the music, then this is a no-brainer, but if you're not a metal-head, check it out anyway, it's a movie about a guy who's been there and done that and is willing to share his experiences with anyone who wants to learn from his mistakes....it's well worth your time!</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">I'm giving Lemmy, 4 out of 4 cigars, it's an amazing movie about a type of individual who's dying out...and who probably won't be replaced!</div>Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-1815082932057673602012-03-02T04:39:00.000-05:002012-03-02T04:39:37.376-05:00Get Out Of The Water!!! SHARKTOPUS!!!!If you've ever watched the SyFy channel, then you know that on the weekends, you get two choices, mega-disaster movies or mega-monster movies. Well, if you grew up (like I did) watching Saturday Afternoon horror movies, then you probably have a soft spot in your heart (and your skull) for these movies...especially the monster movies. So, when I got to see Sharktopus, at first I was ambivalent, but soon, I found this schlocky, weird, self-aware movie growing on me...like 8 strange arms!<br />
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</div><div align="left">Now, if you're looking for something new and innovative, just walk away now. But, if you enjoy some retro-style, over-the-top monster movies....then here we go! The government has been working on a new 'weapon', combining a shark and an octopus into a controlled killing machine. It's controlled by an electronic device embedded into the top of it's head....and, if you don't see this coming, then you need to watch more of these movies. The device is damaged during testing, the sharktopus escapes and soon, it's running rampant up and down the coast of an unidentified tourist resort, eating people and leaving destruction in it's wake! Now, the government, island police and scientists are all trying to capture or kill our mutated hero.</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">The most fun I had with Sharktopus was noticing that, probably due to low budget and time constraints, the monster continually changes sizes depending on what the story requires it to do. Changing from large enough to take down a boat to just big enough to fit a woman's legs in it's mouth! Once you understand that this movie, and the people in it and making it, all seem to realize that Sharktopus isn't going to win any awards, and have decided to just have some fun, then you, the audience, can sit back, relax and just enjoy the insanity that is Sharktopus!!!</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">I'm giving Sharktopus two ratings, if you enjoy the insanity that can be low budget monster movies, then Sharktopus is a 4 out of 4 cigars. If you can't stand these 'just for fun' movies, then it gets a 1 out of 4 cigars. Personally, I not only enjoyed it, but can't wait to share it with the younger generation, this is definitely a throwback to the kinds of movies that Sir Graves Ghastly would have shown on Saturday afternoon for those of us who wanted to stay in and enjoy the show....kids today, don't know what they're missing! So, if you have or know kids, rent Sharktopus, pop some afternoon popcorn, pull the curtains and sit back, relax and enjoy the crazy shark with 8 legs who doesn't like humanity very much!</div>Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-61283157817488285732012-02-21T04:32:00.000-05:002012-02-21T04:32:34.701-05:00Bad TeacherWho hasn't had a crush on a teacher when they were in school? And if you were a 12 year old boy and your teacher was Cameron Diaz...well, that's a recipe for comedy, right? You'd think so wouldn't you? But you'd be very, very wrong!<br />
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</div><div align="left">The joke here is the Cameron is a teacher who's just biding her time until she can marry a sugar-daddy, so her job is secondary to her personal interests. Sound funny, so far? As the movie drags on, we discover that (apparently) every man on the planet is attracted to her, and she's only interested in men who have money and can take care of her in the manner in which she'd like to become accustomed. And, in the end, her hard, hard heart is melted and she discovers that maybe she should settle for real love instead of being taken care of....awwwww.</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">If any of that sounded funny to you, then you'll probably wet your pants laughing at this movie. Or, if you find Cameron Diaz talking dirty or saying words like 'tits' or making drug jokes, then you'll also probably die laughing. If you're looking for a cleverly written, funny movie...then look elsewhere! This is one of those movies where the funniest parts were all in the trailer...and the trailer wasn't all that funny!</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">Bad Teacher is clearly one of those movies that got made because Cameron, or co-star Justin Timberlake, either lost a bet or needed a quick infusion of cash...because if either of them read the script, they would have thought twice!</div><div align="left"><br />
</div><div align="left">I'm giving Bad Teacher 1/2 a cigar (and it's a cigar that's cheap and it's been in the gutter for a while!), and it's barely worth that. It's unfunny, uninteresting and even Cameron Diaz strutting around in skimpy outfits seems like a desperate attempt to get hormonal boys to check this movie out....don't be dumb, guys, it's just not worth it!!! Do yourself a favor and re-rent The Hangover or Bridesmaids, both were actually funny movies with a heart.</div>Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-1441566235853288502012-01-11T05:06:00.000-05:002012-01-11T05:06:53.538-05:00Tron & Tron: LegacyI'll freely admit that, in the 80s, I wasn't a fan of the movie Tron. I played the video game for endless hours (and endless quarters, I'd like to have back), but the movie didn't really do much for me. So, when the sequel came out, I was less than excited about it. But, after a while, I thought, why not go back and see if I was wrong about the original and then check out the sequel to see if the 'cult' following was somehow warranted.<br />
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If you've never seen it, the original Tron is about a computer programmer who's sucked into the game system and forced to play games to get to the 'master' program that will give him escape access. <br />
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By today's standards, Tron is terribly dated. The special effects were state of the art in the 80s, but they're just 'quaint' now. It was actually kind of fun to see the 'state of the art' technology in the original, with the giant computers and the 'tech' talk that's used now by everyone and their grandparents! The real problem is the story, it's just mundane and not that interesting. Jeff Bridges is sucked into a computer and forced to either compete in 'games' or die. He must escape from the evil 'programs' in the computer or be stuck in the virtual world for the rest of his life! The problem with Tron is that the villains are less than villainous, the heroes are less than heroic and the story is just a standard 'get outta here' type of story with obstacles that don't seem to be that big a challenge to the participants. Tron seemed to be designed by Disney to be eye-candy for kids and a sales-gimmick for a video game...not really a movie that they expected to be a 'Disney classic'. It's barely worth 1 cigar out of 4, and it really should be put back in the 'Disney vault'...and put it way in the back, we won't be needing to find it again!! <br />
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Tron: Legacy is a sequel to the 'cult classic'. The story here picks up years after the original with Jeff Bridges missing. Now, his son is going to find out where he is...even though it seems that he's been missing for quite some time, he's just now getting to it....anyway... <br />
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So, he's off to the arcade from the original movie to do some research...but finds himself sucked into the same system that Jeff got sucked into in the original! Oh No! What will he do?? Oh yeah, find his dad and find a way to escape...same as the original. The only real difference here is the advance in technology. Jeff Bridges appears, both as himself and as his younger self...via some sophisticated Disney technology, although the cgi version of Jeff is a bit obviously cgi...but that's because he's 'in the system', you'll say...well, be that as it may, it was cool but distracting. If you were a fan of the first, then you'll love the sequel. If you were bored with the first, prepare to be double bored with the second!! The second rates just a single cigar out of 4...like the first, barely!<br />
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The bottom line of these are two of the worst, most boring movies that Disney has ever released! Don't think of this as a double-feature, think of it as a video endurance test that you might not pass...I have to admit that I barely got through them both...and did it only after several breaks! If you can them both in one day, in one sitting....you're a better bad movie guy than I am!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-35416594782665190712012-01-04T04:24:00.000-05:002012-01-04T04:24:35.961-05:00SuperI'm a big fan of James Gunn...and, if you don't know who he is, then find out...NOW. Gunn started with Troma, wrote those Scooby Doo movies, wrote the remake of Dawn Of The Dead and directed the terrific horror/comedy Slither. Well, Gunn takes his genre twisting senses to the superhero genre with Super...and it works very well.<br />
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Gunn's basic question here is, 'What if there were super-heroes in the real world?', and it's a question that he answers with real zeal! Frank (played by Rainn Wilson) is a normal (dare I say, mild mannered) guy. He works in a diner, he's not extraordinary in any way. Which might be one of the reasons that his wife left him for a drug dealer! This drives Frank to the edge...literally! Looking for a way to 'rescue' his wife from these nefarious villains. His solution, become the Crimson Bolt, a hero who weilds a pipe wrench and who's battle cry is 'Shut Up Evil!'...yeah, Frank's not that imaginative. Through his quest to clean up the city he meets Libby (played by Ellen Page), a girl who works in a comic books shop who worships the Crimson Bolt...and wants to become his side-kick, Boltie. As the two close in on the drug dealers, they soon realize that super-heroing isn't nearly as cut and dried as in the comic books and that real danger can have real consequences.<br />
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What Gunn has done here is take a comedy movie and mix in a ton of horror elements. The exact opposite of what he did with Slither, where he took a horror movie and mixed in comedy liberally! And it really works here. Super starts as a sort of send up of the super hero genre and then suddenly turns dark and foreboding...ending with a bit of hope...which is nice. If you're a fan of genre switching you're going to love this movie, no one mixes genres better than Gunn, and I really can't wait to see what's up his sleeve next!<br />
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I'm giving Super 4 out of 4 cigars, but be warned, if you're looking for a super-hero comedy, then beware, this isn't a comedy by any stretch of the imagination, it's humorous, but not a comedy...like life. But, if you're looking for something well written, well acted and incredibly original, then you're gonna love Super!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-54203312381178626792011-11-02T07:31:00.000-04:002011-11-02T07:31:32.447-04:00GialloGiallo is Italian for 'yellow', it's also a genre of film you should be familiar with if you're any kind of movie buff, and, if you know about giallo at all, you know that Dario Argento is the master of giallo and, in fact, has a movie called Giallo! What are the odds?<br />
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The story here is a bit strange, there's a serial killer on the loose (and apparently he's been on the loose for a while) and Detective Adrian Brody is on his trail. Now, a super model has been grabbed by our killer and her sister goes to Brody to get him to search for her before it's too late! <br />
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The problem with this movie is that it's just a narrative mess, Brody is a 'New York' cop who's been looking for this killer for years, and has an obsession with catching serial killers in general due to a childhood trauma. How he's become acquainted with this particular killer isn't really explained. When the model's sister goes to the police, she's told to follow a food delivery to the basement where Brody is brooding over walls filled with gruesome pictures of murder victims...are these all victims of our killer, or just random victims of different killers...that's also never really explained! The killer, when we meet him is incredibly jaundiced (making him yellow...hence the name of the movie...well, one of them anyway), why he's that way we don't really know, we just know he's sick and needs medication...and we only know that because Brody finds him apartment and pours out all his meds!<br />
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In the end, the serial killer doesn't get a lot of screen time, the detective spends most of his time brooding about the killer than actually looking for him and the model's sister spends an inordinate amount of time looking distraught. Overall, it's amazing that this guy gets caught at all, and, in the movie, it's a complete coincidence that he does...and then, as the search goes on for the missing model, the way she's discovered is one of the dumbest in movie history!!<br />
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I'm giving Giallo 1 out of 4 cigars, it's not dramatic, it's not tense, it's mostly Adrian Brody attempting to look dark, deep and troubled for an hour and a half. There are much better Argento movies, look for nearly any one of those, Giallo is a movie best left on the shelf until dust eventually covers it over completely!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-17762047.post-8865884672428113892011-08-30T05:27:00.000-04:002011-08-30T05:27:28.059-04:00RubberAlright, if you looked at this posts title and said to yourself, 'Alright, finally, a porno!', then you, my friend are in the wrong place! This is BadMovieGuy.com and we deal strictly in non-porn, although just as badly acted, movies! And this time, let's look at one that will make you scratch your head until you might just touch your own brain! It's called Rubber and it may be the strangest movie ever made!<br />
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The basic story here is about a tire...yes, from a car...that become sentient and begins killing people telekinetically. Too strange for you? Then you might as well walk away, because it only gets stranger as you go. You see, there are people watching the movie, within the movie! And the movie wants to kill them so it can stop. Yes, I know it all sounds really weird...and it is...but it's one of those movies you really can't take your eyes off of, because you're not sure what might happen next. I could tell you more, but why ruin the fun, and that seems to be the bottom line here. There's no morality tale, there's no good guys and bad guys, there's just a tire killing people and the police trying to stop it.<br />
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I'm giving Rubber 4 out of 4 cigars, not because of the acting (which is good), not because of the writing (which is great) and not for any other reason than it's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen and I LOVE IT! If you haven't checked this movie out yet...then drop it into your netflix queue...or better yet, click the link above and buy it, you're gonna want to watch it again anyway!Brian Mortonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15728661051799241911noreply@blogger.com0