My Favorite 'Guy' Romances

When it comes to romantic movies, us guys, get a bad rap.  Just because we don't enjoy all that talking and making 'goo-goo' eyes at each other, doesn't mean we're not romantic...it just means that we express it differently than you ladies do.  So, as a Valentine's Day service, here's a couple of movies that we find romantic that you might not have thought of:

Lethal Weapon: Say what you want about Mel Gibson, Lethal Weapon is a terrific romance!  That's right, Mel plays a guy who loves his wife so much that he can't bear to go on without her.  And, because he can't kill himself, he throws himself into protecting others to the point that it might get him killed!  If that's not romantic ladies, then you might want to re-read Romeo And Juliet!



Unforgiven: Yes, it's a western, and yes the women in it portray 'whores', but just sit down and think about it.  Clint Eastwood plays a gunslinger who was one of the meanest in the west, he was known to kill anyone, women and children included.  But, the love of his wife made him clean up his act, and he's only drawn back into the gunslinger lifestyle to make the money to get his kids a better life!  And, if you still don't believe me that this is romantic, just check out the beginning and the end, both find Clint's character standing at his wife's grave with his head down...not a good ending for you ladies, but romantic none-the-less!



The Toxic Avenger: It's low budget, it's a bit campy, but it's a story of true love!  That's right, poor Melvin gets dumped into a toxic waste barrel and becomes a mutant monster, but still manages to find love with a blind girl.  Yes, I know you think this one's a stretch, but just check it out.  Lloyd Kaufman might be known for his indie style, but I think you'll find the love story truly touching...and icky!



And, how about one that even the ladies will enjoy....

Love Actually: While this is actually a Christmas movie, it's also one of the best romantic comedies ever made.  And it's not all 'girlie' love, it's all aspects of love, the love of a singer for his long-time manager, the one co-worker for another and, my personal favorite, a step-father, who has to teach his step-son about how to get the attention of the girl you love.  And, it happens to be one of those movies that, when I tell people it's one of my favorites, I always get the 'WHAT?!?! YOU!?!?' look...it always makes me laugh.



So, on Valentine's Day, take a minute and remember those romantic movies that you never think of as romantic...and check one of those out today.

Tron & Tron: Legacy

I'll freely admit that, in the 80s, I wasn't a fan of the movie Tron.  I played the video game for endless hours (and endless quarters, I'd like to have back), but the movie didn't really do much for me.  So, when the sequel came out, I was less than excited about it.  But, after a while, I thought, why not go back and see if I was wrong about the original and then check out the sequel to see if the 'cult' following was somehow warranted.

If you've never seen it, the original Tron is about a computer programmer who's sucked into the game system and forced to play games to get to the 'master' program that will give him escape access. 




By today's standards, Tron is terribly dated.  The special effects were state of the art in the 80s, but they're just 'quaint' now.  It was actually kind of fun to see the 'state of the art' technology in the original, with the giant computers and the 'tech' talk that's used now by everyone and their grandparents!  The real problem is the story, it's just mundane and not that interesting.  Jeff Bridges is sucked into a computer and forced to either compete in 'games' or die.  He must escape from the evil 'programs' in the computer or be stuck in the virtual world for the rest of his life!  The problem with Tron is that the villains are less than villainous, the heroes are less than heroic and the story is just a standard 'get outta here' type of story with obstacles that don't seem to be that big a challenge to the participants.  Tron seemed to be designed by Disney to be eye-candy for kids and a sales-gimmick for a video game...not really a movie that they expected to be a 'Disney classic'.  It's barely worth 1 cigar out of 4, and it really should be put back in the 'Disney vault'...and put it way in the back, we won't be needing to find it again!!

Tron: Legacy is a sequel to the 'cult classic'.  The story here picks up years after the original with Jeff Bridges missing.  Now, his son is going to find out where he is...even though it seems that he's been missing for quite some time, he's just now getting to it....anyway... 





So, he's off to the arcade from the original movie to do some research...but finds himself sucked into the same system that Jeff got sucked into in the original!  Oh No!  What will he do??  Oh yeah, find his dad and find a way to escape...same as the original.  The only real difference here is the advance in technology.  Jeff Bridges appears, both as himself and as his younger self...via some sophisticated Disney technology, although the cgi version of Jeff is a bit obviously cgi...but that's because he's 'in the system', you'll say...well, be that as it may, it was cool but distracting.  If you were a fan of the first, then you'll love the sequel.  If you were bored with the first, prepare to be double bored with the second!!  The second rates just a single cigar out of 4...like the first, barely!

The bottom line of these are two of the worst, most boring movies that Disney has ever released!  Don't think of this as a double-feature, think of it as a video endurance test that you might not pass...I have to admit that I barely got through them both...and did it only after several breaks!  If you can them both in one day, in one sitting....you're a better bad movie guy than I am!

Super

I'm a big fan of James Gunn...and, if you don't know who he is, then find out...NOW.  Gunn started with Troma, wrote those Scooby Doo movies, wrote the remake of Dawn Of The Dead and directed the terrific horror/comedy Slither.  Well, Gunn takes his genre twisting senses to the superhero genre with Super...and it works very well.



Gunn's basic question here is, 'What if there were super-heroes in the real world?', and it's a question that he answers with real zeal!  Frank (played by Rainn Wilson)  is a normal (dare I say, mild mannered) guy.  He works in a diner, he's not extraordinary in any way.  Which might be one of the reasons that his wife left him for a drug dealer!  This drives Frank to the edge...literally!  Looking for a way to 'rescue' his wife from these nefarious villains.  His solution, become the Crimson Bolt, a hero who weilds a pipe wrench and who's battle cry is 'Shut Up Evil!'...yeah, Frank's not that imaginative.  Through his quest to clean up the city he meets Libby (played by Ellen Page), a girl who works in a comic books shop who worships the Crimson Bolt...and wants to become his side-kick, Boltie.  As the two close in on the drug dealers, they soon realize that super-heroing isn't nearly as cut and dried as in the comic books and that real danger can have real consequences.

What Gunn has done here is take a comedy movie and mix in a ton of horror elements.  The exact opposite of what he did with Slither, where he took a horror movie and mixed in comedy liberally!  And it really works here.  Super starts as a sort of send up of the super hero genre and then suddenly turns dark and foreboding...ending with a bit of hope...which is nice.  If you're a fan of genre switching you're going to love this movie, no one mixes genres better than Gunn, and I really can't wait to see what's up his sleeve next!

I'm giving Super 4 out of 4 cigars, but be warned, if you're looking for a super-hero comedy, then beware, this isn't a comedy by any stretch of the imagination, it's humorous, but not a comedy...like life.  But, if you're looking for something well written, well acted and incredibly original, then you're gonna love Super!

Giallo

Giallo is Italian for 'yellow', it's also a genre of film you should be familiar with if you're any kind of movie buff, and, if you know about giallo at all, you know that Dario Argento is the master of giallo and, in fact, has a movie called Giallo!  What are the odds?



The story here is a bit strange, there's a serial killer on the loose (and apparently he's been on the loose for a while) and Detective Adrian Brody is on his trail.  Now, a super model has been grabbed by our killer and her sister goes to Brody to get him to search for her before it's too late!

The problem with this movie is that it's just a narrative mess, Brody is a 'New York' cop who's been looking for this killer for years, and has an obsession with catching serial killers in general due to a childhood trauma.  How he's become acquainted with this particular killer isn't really explained.  When the model's sister goes to the police, she's told to follow a food delivery to the basement where Brody is brooding over walls filled with gruesome pictures of murder victims...are these all victims of our killer, or just random victims of different killers...that's also never really explained!  The killer, when we meet him is incredibly jaundiced (making him yellow...hence the name of the movie...well, one of them anyway), why he's that way we don't really know, we just know he's sick and needs medication...and we only know that because Brody finds him apartment and pours out all his meds!

In the end, the serial killer doesn't get a lot of screen time, the detective spends most of his time brooding about the killer than actually looking for him and the model's sister spends an inordinate amount of time looking distraught.  Overall, it's amazing that this guy gets caught at all, and, in the movie, it's a complete coincidence that he does...and then, as the search goes on for the missing model, the way she's discovered is one of the dumbest in movie history!!

I'm giving Giallo 1 out of 4 cigars, it's not dramatic, it's not tense, it's mostly Adrian Brody attempting to look dark, deep and troubled for an hour and a half.  There are much better Argento movies, look for nearly any one of those, Giallo is a movie best left on the shelf until dust eventually covers it over completely!

Rubber

Alright, if you looked at this posts title and said to yourself, 'Alright, finally, a porno!', then you, my friend are in the wrong place!  This is BadMovieGuy.com and we deal strictly in non-porn, although just as badly acted, movies!  And this time, let's look at one that will make you scratch your head until you might just touch your own brain!  It's called Rubber and it may be the strangest movie ever made!



The basic story here is about a tire...yes, from a car...that become sentient and begins killing people telekinetically.  Too strange for you?  Then you might as well walk away, because it only gets stranger as you go.  You see, there are people watching the movie, within the movie!  And the movie wants to kill them so it can stop.  Yes, I know it all sounds really weird...and it is...but it's one of those movies you really can't take your eyes off of, because you're not sure what might happen next.  I could tell you more, but why ruin the fun, and that seems to be the bottom line here.  There's no morality tale, there's no good guys and bad guys, there's just a tire killing people and the police trying to stop it.

I'm giving Rubber 4 out of 4 cigars, not because of the acting (which is good), not because of the writing (which is great) and not for any other reason than it's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen and I LOVE IT!  If you haven't checked this movie out yet...then drop it into your netflix queue...or better yet, click the link above and buy it, you're gonna want to watch it again anyway!