Bad Movie Guy.com...Where There's No Such Thing As A Bad Movie!

Tron & Tron: Legacy

2012-01-11T05:06:00.000-05:00

I'll freely admit that, in the 80s, I wasn't a fan of the movie Tron. I played the video game for endless hours (and endless quarters, I'd like to have back), but the movie didn't really do much for me. So, when the sequel came out, I was less than excited about it. But, after a while, I thought, why not go back and see if I was wrong about the original and then check out the sequel to see if the 'cult' following was somehow warranted.

If you've never seen it, the original Tron is about a computer programmer who's sucked into the game system and forced to play games to get to the 'master' program that will give him escape access.

By today's standards, Tron is terribly dated. The special effects were state of the art in the 80s, but they're just 'quaint' now. It was actually kind of fun to see the 'state of the art' technology in the original, with the giant computers and the 'tech' talk that's used now by everyone and their grandparents! The real problem is the story, it's just mundane and not that interesting. Jeff Bridges is sucked into a computer and forced to either compete in 'games' or die. He must escape from the evil 'programs' in the computer or be stuck in the virtual world for the rest of his life! The problem with Tron is that the villains are less than villainous, the heroes are less than heroic and the story is just a standard 'get outta here' type of story with obstacles that don't seem to be that big a challenge to the participants. Tron seemed to be designed by Disney to be eye-candy for kids and a sales-gimmick for a video game...not really a movie that they expected to be a 'Disney classic'. It's barely worth 1 cigar out of 4, and it really should be put back in the 'Disney vault'...and put it way in the back, we won't be needing to find it again!!

Tron: Legacy is a sequel to the 'cult classic'. The story here picks up years after the original with Jeff Bridges missing. Now, his son is going to find out where he is...even though it seems that he's been missing for quite some time, he's just now getting to it....anyway...

So, he's off to the arcade from the original movie to do some research...but finds himself sucked into the same system that Jeff got sucked into in the original! Oh No! What will he do?? Oh yeah, find his dad and find a way to escape...same as the original. The only real difference here is the advance in technology. Jeff Bridges appears, both as himself and as his younger self...via some sophisticated Disney technology, although the cgi version of Jeff is a bit obviously cgi...but that's because he's 'in the system', you'll say...well, be that as it may, it was cool but distracting. If you were a fan of the first, then you'll love the sequel. If you were bored with the first, prepare to be double bored with the second!! The second rates just a single cigar out of 4...like the first, barely!

The bottom line of these are two of the worst, most boring movies that Disney has ever released! Don't think of this as a double-feature, think of it as a video endurance test that you might not pass...I have to admit that I barely got through them both...and did it only after several breaks! If you can them both in one day, in one sitting....you're a better bad movie guy than I am!

Super

2012-01-04T04:24:00.000-05:00

I'm a big fan of James Gunn...and, if you don't know who he is, then find out...NOW. Gunn started with Troma, wrote those Scooby Doo movies, wrote the remake of Dawn Of The Dead and directed the terrific horror/comedy Slither. Well, Gunn takes his genre twisting senses to the superhero genre with Super...and it works very well.

Gunn's basic question here is, 'What if there were super-heroes in the real world?', and it's a question that he answers with real zeal! Frank (played by Rainn Wilson) is a normal (dare I say, mild mannered) guy. He works in a diner, he's not extraordinary in any way. Which might be one of the reasons that his wife left him for a drug dealer! This drives Frank to the edge...literally! Looking for a way to 'rescue' his wife from these nefarious villains. His solution, become the Crimson Bolt, a hero who weilds a pipe wrench and who's battle cry is 'Shut Up Evil!'...yeah, Frank's not that imaginative. Through his quest to clean up the city he meets Libby (played by Ellen Page), a girl who works in a comic books shop who worships the Crimson Bolt...and wants to become his side-kick, Boltie. As the two close in on the drug dealers, they soon realize that super-heroing isn't nearly as cut and dried as in the comic books and that real danger can have real consequences.

What Gunn has done here is take a comedy movie and mix in a ton of horror elements. The exact opposite of what he did with Slither, where he took a horror movie and mixed in comedy liberally! And it really works here. Super starts as a sort of send up of the super hero genre and then suddenly turns dark and foreboding...ending with a bit of hope...which is nice. If you're a fan of genre switching you're going to love this movie, no one mixes genres better than Gunn, and I really can't wait to see what's up his sleeve next!

I'm giving Super 4 out of 4 cigars, but be warned, if you're looking for a super-hero comedy, then beware, this isn't a comedy by any stretch of the imagination, it's humorous, but not a comedy...like life. But, if you're looking for something well written, well acted and incredibly original, then you're gonna love Super!

Giallo

2011-11-02T07:31:00.000-04:00

Giallo is Italian for 'yellow', it's also a genre of film you should be familiar with if you're any kind of movie buff, and, if you know about giallo at all, you know that Dario Argento is the master of giallo and, in fact, has a movie called Giallo! What are the odds?

The story here is a bit strange, there's a serial killer on the loose (and apparently he's been on the loose for a while) and Detective Adrian Brody is on his trail. Now, a super model has been grabbed by our killer and her sister goes to Brody to get him to search for her before it's too late!

The problem with this movie is that it's just a narrative mess, Brody is a 'New York' cop who's been looking for this killer for years, and has an obsession with catching serial killers in general due to a childhood trauma. How he's become acquainted with this particular killer isn't really explained. When the model's sister goes to the police, she's told to follow a food delivery to the basement where Brody is brooding over walls filled with gruesome pictures of murder victims...are these all victims of our killer, or just random victims of different killers...that's also never really explained! The killer, when we meet him is incredibly jaundiced (making him yellow...hence the name of the movie...well, one of them anyway), why he's that way we don't really know, we just know he's sick and needs medication...and we only know that because Brody finds him apartment and pours out all his meds!

In the end, the serial killer doesn't get a lot of screen time, the detective spends most of his time brooding about the killer than actually looking for him and the model's sister spends an inordinate amount of time looking distraught. Overall, it's amazing that this guy gets caught at all, and, in the movie, it's a complete coincidence that he does...and then, as the search goes on for the missing model, the way she's discovered is one of the dumbest in movie history!!

I'm giving Giallo 1 out of 4 cigars, it's not dramatic, it's not tense, it's mostly Adrian Brody attempting to look dark, deep and troubled for an hour and a half. There are much better Argento movies, look for nearly any one of those, Giallo is a movie best left on the shelf until dust eventually covers it over completely!

Rubber

2011-08-30T05:27:00.000-04:00

Alright, if you looked at this posts title and said to yourself, 'Alright, finally, a porno!', then you, my friend are in the wrong place! This is BadMovieGuy.com and we deal strictly in non-porn, although just as badly acted, movies! And this time, let's look at one that will make you scratch your head until you might just touch your own brain! It's called Rubber and it may be the strangest movie ever made!

The basic story here is about a tire...yes, from a car...that become sentient and begins killing people telekinetically. Too strange for you? Then you might as well walk away, because it only gets stranger as you go. You see, there are people watching the movie, within the movie! And the movie wants to kill them so it can stop. Yes, I know it all sounds really weird...and it is...but it's one of those movies you really can't take your eyes off of, because you're not sure what might happen next. I could tell you more, but why ruin the fun, and that seems to be the bottom line here. There's no morality tale, there's no good guys and bad guys, there's just a tire killing people and the police trying to stop it.

I'm giving Rubber 4 out of 4 cigars, not because of the acting (which is good), not because of the writing (which is great) and not for any other reason than it's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen and I LOVE IT! If you haven't checked this movie out yet...then drop it into your netflix queue...or better yet, click the link above and buy it, you're gonna want to watch it again anyway!

Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl

2011-06-13T06:13:00.000-04:00

If you're familiar with me at all, then you know when it comes to movies, I truly love the weird and unusual. Well, it doesn't get more weird or unusual than Japanese movies, and this one, Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl may be one of the weirdest I've ever seen!

In case you've never seen one of these Japanese 'horror' movies, then prepare yourself it's gonna get strange. Here's the story: Monami is a new transfer student in school and she's got a big crush on Mizushima, but Keiko has designs on Mizushima herself! Monami gives Mizushima a chocolate...sort of a valentine kind of thing...only Japanese. Well, when Mizu eats the chocolate he discovers that it's filled with blood! It turns out that Monami is a vampire and now he's going to be one too! Well, this doesn't sit well with Keiko, so she turns to her father who's the vice-principal of the school...and also happens to be a descendant of Dr. Frankenstein! Well, he turns his little girl into a super monster, so she can better fight this 'evil' vampire menace. Now the two girls are caught up in a battle that's both bizarre and bloody!

The wonderful thing about Japanese horror movies is the total lack of sense they make...and not only do they not make sense, they absolutely revel in the lack of sense they make! So, there's lots of blood, in fact, according to this movie, the human body holds about 27 gallons of blood...and when cut, said blood sprays out endlessly! It's a wonder of gore and brutality!

I'm giving Vampire Girl Vs. Frankenstein Girl 3 out of 4 cigars, it's a very strange movie (even by my standards) and it might not be for you. But, if you like this kind of thing...then pop this in the DVD player and prepare to have your mind blown!

And, until next time, remember, there's no such thing as a bad movie!

Why I Won't See Another 3D Movie!

2011-05-16T06:08:00.000-04:00

I have to vent a bit...mostly because my wife is very tired of me ranting and raving about this around the house, I'm frightening the cat! So, I figured that, since this is my site and I can talk about whatever I want, this would be as good a place as any to let it fly!!!

You see, I got sucked into the Avatar hype and headed dutifully to the theatre, paid the extra $5, put on my silly glasses and sat through what I could argue was one of the worst movies of all time! Yes, it was visually stunning, but that's not the only thing we go to movies for, is it? I always thought that a movie was a visual way to tell a story...well, today, we're suddenly focused on the 'visual' and not so much on the 'story'. I know I'm mostly alone, but if you couldn't figure out how Avatar was going to end after the first half hour of the movie, then you've probably never seen a movie before. Now, this isn't an Avatar-bashing session, it's just that because Hollywood saw such a large payday from that movie (2.7 Billion plus dollars), suddenly Hollywood thinks that every movie has to be in 3D to make money!

Well, let me state here, what I've been shouting around the house and at work, I will NOT be seeing any more 3D movies....PERIOD!!! Now, that might not seem like a big statement to you, but, when you think of all the 'geek' movies that are hitting suddenly that are losing my box office dollar...and, hopefully, yours too...maybe we can get Hollywood to put away the gimmicks and hire some writers for a change!!! And I call it a gimmick because that's all it is, and this isn't the first time they're tried it! It happened in the 50s and didn't go over so well, then again in the 80s, and again it didn't go too well, now they're at it again...only this time, for some reason, people are actually buying into this scam!!!

I call it a scam because it really is, you're paying an extra $4 to $5 to wear glasses at the movie, and, when you think about it, the effect doesn't really bring anything to the movie experience...unless you count the slight headache you'll probably leave the theatre with. Would Avatar have been a worse movie without the 3D? I don't think it's possible!

So, here's my bottom line on this, there were a TON of movies I was dying to see this summer, Thor, Green Lantern, Captain America...and numerous others, but, as they're being unveiled in 3D, they'll lose my ticket money! And, even if they offer the movie in 2D, I'm sure the studios count it all in the same money pile, so I'll happily wait for DVD, where they can have less of my money.

Does anyone care that I won't be seeing any more 3D movies? Probably not, but I'll have the courage of my convictions, Hollywood will get a bit less money and, hopefully, after reading this, you'll join me, we can send a loud message and get rid of this crappy gimmick once and for all!!

Hobo With A Shotgun

2011-05-12T03:47:00.000-04:00

This past weekend, I had an important choice to make. Pay money to see Thor, or pay money to see Hobo With A Shotgun. Well, since I'm ardently against ANY 3D movie, I had to fore go Thor in favor or Hobo With A Shotgun...and, besides keeping my personal vendetta against 3D alive, I made the correct decision! Hobo With A Shotgun is one of the best drive-in movies I've seen since Machete...which makes me think that I have an excellent idea for a double feature!!

Now, I'm sure that when you hear the title Hobo With A Shotgun, you're pretty sure what the movie is about...not unlike Snakes On A Plane. But there's a bit more to this movie than just a Hobo wielding a Shotgun. A hobo rides the rails to the end of the line, which happens to be in Hope City, which has been renamed by graffiti artists, Scum City. Well, Scum City is run by The Drake, and evil crime lord who doesn't even pretend to obey the law, when we first meet him, he forces the people on the street to watch as he decapitates his own brother!!! Our hobo friend is shocked by the crime and violence, but continues his plan to get the money to buy a lawnmower and start his own lawn mowing business...he even has a slogan picked out! But, when he's about to buy his mower, thugs rob the store he's in and threaten to kill a young woman and her baby...what's a hobo to do? That's right, buy a shotgun instead of a mower and begin dispensing justice in Scum City!!!

Rutger Hauer is amazing as the hobo...right back in his 80s style, in fact, this also might make a great double feature with Wanted: Dead Or Alive (another Hauer movie that's one of my favorites!). Brian Downey is great as The Drake and there's some eye candy for the guys, Molly Dunsworth as Abby, the hooker with a heart who decides to throw in with the hobo and either mow lawns or mow down bad guys!

I'm giving Hobo With A Shotgun 4 out of 4 cigars, it's fun, it's violent, the bad guys get it good in the end (no double entendre intended) and it's just a fantastic drive-in style movie! The drive-in is back my friends, and it's in my living room...but please don't try to park there! And, remember that there's no such thing as a bad movie!

Centurion

2011-04-21T07:13:00.000-04:00

I'll admit it right now, I'm a big Neil Marshall fan. Dog Soldiers was a good movie, but then Descent was AMAZING! Then he followed that with Doomsday, which only proved that Mr. Marshall can create female characters that are tough, without becoming a movie caricature. Well, his latest, Centurion, continues Marshall's ongoing career greatness!

Centurion is a tale of the middle ages, Romans are attempting to conquer Great Britain and have run into a wall in Northern England when they come across the Picts. The Picts, in this movie, are a group of rough and tumble warriors, who really don't care much for the Romans. And, I guess, after someone came to your homeland, robing, raping and pillaging, you might not like them much either.

Our tale begins as the Romans have decided to end the conflict at any cost. And a battalion of soldiers is dispatched to wipe out this trouble. But, when they fall into a trap, and all but 7 are wiped out, and their general is taken prisoner. Now, these 7 soldiers decide that it's their duty to rescue their leader. This leads (as you might imagine) to conflict with the ultra-violent Picts! And, thus begins a game of cat and mouse between some under-armed Romans and the Picts, who are led by Etain, a mute woman who's been raised to be the Picts greatest tracker and killer!

Centurion is a very cool 'sword and sorcery' movie, without so much of the sorcery. Marshall's movies are just well written and well acted, they're believable without surrendering the story and Centurion is no exception. If you enjoy a good medieval tale, with plenty of sword fights and blood, then you'll love Centurion...or if you just enjoy a great adventure tale, you'll love it.

I'm giving Centurion 4 out of 4 cigars, it's a great movie that was largely overlooked in theatres...and now on DVD. Do yourself a favor and grab (or rent) copy of it tonight!

The Lovely Bones

2011-03-29T04:35:00.000-04:00

How do you take a story about the death of a 14 year old girl and turn it into something both beautiful and terrifying? Well, leave it to Peter Jackson to manage it! And, he does exactly that with The Lovely Bones.

Susie Salmon is a normal 14 year old girl in 1974, a time that now seems simpler. She's the apple of her father's eye, she's a bit boy crazy and she's constantly dreaming of her first kiss. Well, all of that comes to a shocking end one evening when Susie's on her way home. She crosses paths with a neighbor, George Harvey, who lures Susie into an underground 'hideout' where he kills her. Now, this is ordinarily where a character leaves the film, but not this time, Susie is stuck in the 'in between', not quite heaven and not quite earth, where she watches over her family, moving between wanting them to move on and wanting revenge on her killer.

The Lovely Bones isn't quite a horror film and it's not quite a drama, it's something 'in between' too. Saoirse Ronan is amazing as Susie, beginning the movie as a girl and ending it as something more spiritual and deep. Mark Wahlberg also turns in an amazing performance as Jack Salmon, a father torn apart by the death of a child, and the bond that Susie and Jack share...even after her death...is something only a few actors could have pulled off, and Wahlberg does it remarkably. Then, there's Stanley Tucci as George Harvey. Tucci has never been creepier or darker, and when Harvey finally gets what's coming to him, it may be the best vengeance EVER!

I'm giving The Lovely Bones 4 out of 4 cigars, Jackson manages to flex his horror chops and still get in all the fantasy elements he's become famous for, for my money, this is the best Peter Jackson movie in years...and yes, I'm including those Lord Of The Rings movies, they can't hold a candle to this! If you really enjoy movies, then don't miss The Lovely Bones, it's a movie that'll get under your skin and stay there.

The Walking Dead

2011-03-14T04:54:00.000-04:00

I have to admit to some skepitcism when I first heard about The Walking Dead, after all, a zombie comic book couldn't possibly compare to the visceral thrills of a Dawn Of The Dead or a 28 Days Later, could it? So, I largely ignored the comics. Then, when I heard AMC was making a series out of it, I have to admit to some mixed emotions. AMC promised to keep the gore level high for us zombie hounds, but had a reputation for producing 'Emmy award winning' series (translation: BORING), so I was expecting to watch the first episode and then walk away in disgust. Well, not only was I wrong....I was beyond wrong...I was WRONG!!! The Walking Dead not only holds up to the zombie legacy of every one of it's predecesors, but manages to make a zombie series something you'll sit on the edge of your seat for every week. And now it's on DVD, so you can watch the entire first season (6 episodes) in one sitting, even if that sitting is on the edge of yours.

Basically, The Walking Dead is the story of Rick Grimes, a small town deputy sheriff who gets shot and lapses into a coma. When he wakes up, the world has gone through the zombie apocalyse! Rick finds his way home, only to discover that his family is gone, but is sure that they're still alive and is determined to find them. And that's how the story begins, but it moves very quickly from there. In the first episode, Rick meets a man and his son, who help him out and then disappear. And when Rick heads into downtown Atlanta to look for survivors and his family, he finds himself surrounded by zombies...or walkers, as they're called in the series.

This 6 episode series will go by so fast, you'll find yourself watching all the extras just to get a bit more, then you'll have to join the rest of us waiting until fall for season 2...which will hopefully be longer than 6 episodes! The Walking Dead is one of the best series on TV, and if you didn't catch it when it ran, DVD is your chance...DON'T MISS IT! This is definitely 'must see' TV, and if you've seen it, see it again, I've been through the first season at least 3 times and will probably revisit it again before the new season begins!

I'm giving The Walking Dead 4 out of 4 cigars, if you're a fan of the zombie genre, you'll love it. If you love great drama, you'll love it. The only series that even comes close to keeping me this involved is Dexter...yes, this is that damn good! So, what are you waiting for, click that link above and order it...trust me, this is one you'll want on your shelf! And, until next time, remember, even when it comes to TV, there's no such thing as a bad movie!

The A-Team

2011-02-01T04:39:00.000-05:00

Okay, in the spirit of full disclosure, let me just state, for the record, that I wasn't that big a fan of the original The A Team on TV. I know, I was in the minority, but most of those 70s and 80s series were cookie cutter shows that told basically the same story every week...only with different players in the supporting roles. Even as a kid, I got that and found it a bit boring. So, to say that I didn't hold out much hope for The A Team movie is something of an understatement.

The movie really retells the original story that we heard at the beginning of every episode of the old series. 4 Army Rangers are falsely charged with a crime, dishonorably discharged from the service and put in prison. But don't think that's gonna stop them from seeking revenge! The real beauty of The A Team is that it's just a straight ahead action movie with a great cast and a good story.

Each cast member is perfect in their roles...maybe with the exception of 'Rampage' Jackson who seems a bit stiff at times...but still manages to be in 'full effect' for the action scenes. Everyone else is perfectly cast, Liam Neeson as Hannibal Smith, Bradley Cooper as Face and Sharlto Copley as Howling Mad Murdock, in fact, it feels like these four guys are friends in real life. The story isn't going to win any awards for depth or subtext...but is that what you're renting an A Team movie for?? Not really, what you want is action and explosions...and this movie has that in spades, it's fast paced, the action is cool and the guys are fun.

I'm giving The A Team 4 out of 4 cigars, if you're looking for an Oscar winning performance, look elsewhere, but if you're looking for a fun Saturday afternoon roller coaster ride, then drop this in your DVD player, sit back and enjoy the ride! It's 2 hours long, but it never felt that long. It actually makes me want to go back and check out the old series, maybe I was wrong...and I hardly ever say that!

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo

2011-01-18T05:06:00.000-05:00

If you've been awake and aware of your surroundings for the past year, then someone has mentioned The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo to you. If you haven't heard of it...then you might want to check your pulse, this was the biggest best seller of the year and everyone (including me) has read the book! But, I know that some of you out there aren't really readers...so, for you guys, the Swedish movie is here on DVD...you'll still have to read (subtitles) but it's less reading than a book! And, trust me, it's worth your time and effort!

Now, for you book lovers, this is the movie you want to see. Don't wait for the American version, even if you hate subtitles, this movie is a wonderful companion to the book, and doesn't flinch away from the 'bad' parts. And, for those of you who haven't read the book, this is an amazing mystery that will have you on the edge of your seat until the end...here's the story:

A middle aged reporter in Sweden has been accused of libeling a big company. He's then contacted by an aging businessman who says that he has information that will clear the reporter...but there's a little work he needs to be done first. Soon, the reporter is on the case of a 30 year old murder mystery. It seems that the businessman's niece disappeared 30 years ago and hasn't been seen since. If our intrepid reporter can spend a year on the case, the businessman promises to give him the information that he has!

Soon, the reporter comes to the attention to a hacker who's been doing work for the businessman too. Only, this hacker, is a goth chick who's got more than a few issues of her own. This is the infamous Lisbeth Salander...the girl of dragon tattoo fame. Soon, the reporter and the hacker find themselves an unlikely duo, attempting to find out what happened to the businessman's niece and if that disappearance is connected to a serial killer that they believe is working in the area!

The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo is one of the best movies of last year. It's a wonderfully written mystery that remains true to the book, even in parts where you might want to look away...and there are part where you'll want to look away, there's some horrific violence in here that's integral to the plot...and will help us set up the two sequels that are on the way.

I'm giving The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo 4 out of 4 cigars, it's a great movie based on a great book...and after seeing the movie, you'll want to grab the book, just to see what they missed! And, you'll find yourself on line for the sequels too! So, until next time, when I'll tell you about my 'tramp stamp' and how drunk I was when I got it...remember that there's no such thing as a bad movie!

2010...My Year In Review

2011-01-05T04:38:00.000-05:00

Every year around this time, I like to sit back and reflect on all the movies that I've watched through the past year. Now, to say I watch a lot of movies might be one of the biggest understatements of the decade...just asks my wife! So, here are the criteria, the movies are in no certain order...there's no 'Brian's Number One Movie' here, it has to be a movie that I liked and that stayed with me. If you watch as many movies as I do, there's always an issue with remembering a particularly unmemorable film. So, now that we know that these are movies that I loved that I think you'll love too, let's check out my top movies of 2010.

Let's start with a short, Something Just. This simple but elegant little short is a classic revenge tale with a twist. Sort of a spiritual revenge flick. It's short but powerful and it's a movie that you'll want to check out. Head over to http://www.vimeo.com/15300069 and check it out for yourself!

Next up is Welcome Home 'The Jay Randall Story', a cool movie about a small town guy who wants to be an actor. Jay heads to Hollywood with stars in his eyes, only to be knocked down again and again. Jay reluctantly heads home, only to face scoffing from friends and family. And, as we all know, when your friends turn on you, you might just lose it...and Jay does! This cool indie movie goes from what seems to be an after school special to horror flick in such a smooth way that you'll find yourself wondering if the moral of the story is to kill your friends! Check it out for yourself by heading over to http://www.jpntfilms.com/.

You liked those, but felt like you just needed a few more hot chicks in your movies? Well then, how about JimmyO Buril's, The Good Sisters? April Buril and Debbie Rochon play a couple of reincarnated sisters who may, or may not, be witches. Their paranoia grows to the point that they don't trust anyone and soon start to believe that everyone in the apartment building they live in is plotting against them. You've got a great story, great acting and, let's face it, April and Debbie are pretty easy on the eyes! Check this out for yourself by heading over to http://www.forbiddenpictures.net/.
Hot chicks aren't your thing? You dig the dudes? Hey, not a problem, try the great Russian film, 9th Company. Set during the 80s when Russia was in Afghanistan fighting, this is an amazing movie that will take you inside the minds of the old Soviet Union and how they dealt with Afghanistan (which is widely known as Russia's Vietnam). Check out this very cool movie by heading over to http://www.anchorbayent.com/.

Looking for something a bit less cerebral and more goofy fun? Well, then check out Damned By Dawn, this cool Australian movie that sort of reminded me of Sam Raimi's Evil Dead. A girl visiting her dying grandmother interrupts a spirit sent to take her grandmother's soul. Well, since the spirit is already here, and it's a bit angry, why not take a few more souls with it?? And then the bloody battle begins! It's a terrific little horror movie that doesn't take itself too seriously. Have your soul taken by heading over to http://www.image-entertainment.com/.
Still interested in a good war movie? Well, another great one I caught this year was The Good Soldier. Set in England, this tells the story of a young man who's drawn into a revolution against the current government. His older friends try to talk him out of it, telling him of the horrors of war, but he won't listen and soon he's in the middle of it. When he finds that he excels at waging war, he also discovers that the violence will eat away at your soul. It's a very cool indie from England and it's well worth your time. Join the battle yourself by doing a search over at http://www.amazon.com/.
That anti-government sentiment ringing in your ears still? Then you'll want to grab a copy of Scott Goldberg's latest, Mr. Mullen. This short is the tale of a man who's lost everything in the economic crash of the past few years and his disillusionment with the government. But, instead of just complaining (like the rest of us), he begins to take down members of the local government and their families! Mr. Mullen is a pretty powerful piece, one that will make you think about how life is right now in the U.S. and how people are reacting to it. You can catch this one over at http://www.mrmullenfilm.com/.

Alright, let's shake off the seriousness and take a trip into good old fashioned 80s style exploitation, shall we? And, no one does that better than my old friend Greg Lamberson with his latest movie, Slime City Massacre. A semi-sequel to Greg's 80s classic, Slime City Massacre is the tale of a future city where, amongst the ruins, a small group of people find the legendary Himalayan Yogurt, a yogurt that turns you into a slime monster! Well, there's more to it than that, but the great Debbie Rochon is here, there's tons of slime and blood (sometimes at the same time) and it's just a fun little movie! You can find out more and even grab yourself a copy over at http://www.slimeguy.com/.

Speaking of friends, Randy DeFord put out an interesting little movie this year too. It's called Section 5 and it's the story of a woman who goes back home after the death of her father, only to find out that someone else is living on the farm...and he just might be involved in a series of murders that have been plaguing the area for years. While I didn't give it my top rating, it's still a movie that stuck with me. It's got good acting, a great story and is a movie that's well worth your time. Visit Section 5 for yourself by clicking over to http://www.oakroadmultimedia.com/.

Well, that about wraps it up, but I've got space for one more. How about a little mind-warper called Happily After? This amazing movie begins as a simple little romance movie, then morphs and twists itself out of shape until you'll be pulling your hair out by the end! It's a very cool indie movie that hasn't been seen a lot and really deserves a wide audience, it's a movie that stuck with me and had me re-watching it more than once!! Grab a copy for yourself...trust me, do it...by heading over to http://www.glasscityfilms.com/.

Well, that wraps up this year, and if I forgot a movie, please forgive me, these are the ones that came bubbling to the surface of my mind and tended to resurface over and over as the year went on. Each one if a bit different, and each has it's good and bad points...but none of them disappointed and all of them were worth multiple viewings! So, until the 2011 models begin hitting, keep http://roguecinema.com/ and http://www.badmovieguy.com/ in your favorites list and we'll keep you up to date on some of the best indie movies out there...no matter what year it is!!

A Touching Christmas Movie...from The Bad Movie Guy

2010-12-17T05:18:00.000-05:00

I know I spend most of the year being 'grinch-ish', but those who know me, know that deep down, somewhere in the deep dark cockles, there's actually a normal person. He doesn't come out too often, mostly because the people out here annoy him, but when he does, he sometimes makes so good suggestions. One of those is a holiday movie that will make your heart grow 10 sizes! It's Love Actually, and it's my all time favorite Christmas movie!

Love Actually is a look at love...not just 'romantic' love, this movie explores all the aspects of love, the love of parents for children, the love of a true friend and unrequited love...it's all here with a lovely Christmas backdrop!

There's Hugh Grant, starring as the newly elected Prime Minister, who falls in love with one of the workers at No. 10, there's Liam Neeson who plays a widower who's trying to help his step-son find out what love is, there's Bill Nighy as a 'has-been' rock star who's suddenly realized that his road manager is the only relationship that has stood the test of time...and there's more too! Each story is separate, but they intertwine slightly, but each will have your heart filling with the love and feeling that this time of year is supposed to bring us! If you have a heart, then you'll love this movie...as I said, even I couldn't help but be touched by this amazing little film!

I'm giving Love Actually 4 out of 4 cigars, it's a great movie that you'll find yourself wanting to own...after all, you WILL want to watch this again, probably yearly!

The Descent Part 2

2010-11-12T05:15:00.000-05:00

If you've heard me talk about movies in the past couple of years, then you know that The Descent is one of may all time favorite horror movies. It's scary, claustrophobic and has totally believable characters, which makes the movie damn near perfect in my book! Well, when I saw that the sequel had hit DVD, I was a bit apprehensive. Why mess with what I considered to be perfection? Well, director Jon Harris and company have acquitted themselves nicely, this is a sequel that not only picks up where the original left off...but manages to up the ante without destroying the greatness that spawned it!

Part 2 picks up pretty much where we left off in Part 1. Sarah wandering the roadside after having found her way out of the hell-pit. She's taken to the hospital and we discover that the authorities are actually looking for the group from the first movie, but they're looking where the first group had told people they would be...remember, they filed a 'flight plan' and then travelled to an unexplored cave to explore! Well, since this has been a media nightmare, the local authorities decide to keep this new cave site under wraps, so a small group of spelunkers head down to the original cave and are soon set upon by the monsters from below! And, survival becomes a priority once again!

The beauty of The Descent Part 2 is that it follows in the path of the original. The characters are well drawn...with the exception of the sheriff, who's a bit of a caricature...the story is great and the ending will leave you screaming at the TV screen! There's plenty of blood and gore and lots of the claustrophobic scares that the original had and it ups the ante enough that I can't wait for The Descent Part 3!

I'm giving The Descent Part 2 4 out of 4 cigars, it's great, it's taut and it's an amazing tale that will leaving you wanting more!!

Human Centipede: First Sequence

2010-10-29T04:49:00.009-04:00

When it comes to 'dare' movies, it seems that most of the good ones are all older, from the 80s or earlier. But, suddenly, onto my radar popped Human Centipede: First Sequence, and a brand new 'dare' movie it's in the DVD player!!!

Now, don't worry that anything I write will 'give away' anything...this is a movie that you can tell everyone about, but it has to be seen to be believed! So, here's the story: Two girls are travelling through Germany, when they have a flat tire. After wandering through the deserted wilderness for a while, they stumble upon a house and go to ask for help. They had no idea that the house is owned by, probably the creepiest guy in Germany since Hitler died! And, he's a surgeon! Now, we've already seen our demented surgeon capture a truck driver, so it's not a surprise that he's got plans for our two helpless girls. Soon, they find themselves drugged and tied down to hospital beds and our surgeon lays out his evil scheme!

It seems that he's obsessed with creating a Siamese twin, but with three people all joined at the digestive system. That's right, he's going to sew one person's mouth to the other's rectum...and, while that might seem gross and disgusting written down, wait until you see our demented doc lay out his plans....and then watch as he implements them!!! That's right, three people are all attached to each other to form one long digestive system...and, yes, it's one of the grossest things I've ever seen on film! And, let's just say that when the first person in the centipede line goes to the bathroom....it's gonna make you pause the film and choke back a bit of bile!

I'm giving Human Centipede: First Sequence 4 out of 4 cigars...if your stomach is strong and you can take a dare. If you're squeamish and faint of heart, just walk away from this one...but, if you can take it, you'll be able to brag to your friends that you sat through one of the sickest things ever filmed! And, if you check out the interview with the director, you'll learn that, not only is this sickening surgery medically accurate and possible, but he's planning a sequel that will attach 12 people in this gross chain! Human Centipede: First Sequence is probably one of the most gratuitous, pointless exercises in grotesqueness that I've ever witnessed...and I'm proud to say that I made it all the way through, so gird your loins, put away those snacks (you're not gonna need...or want...them) and get ready for a journey into weirdness!

And, that'll wrap up my month of Twisted Halloween Treats, so grab a handful of these DVDs, get comfy in your favorite chair and ignore the trick or treaters, who knows, the sick surgeon could be on the other side of that door!

Hard Candy

2010-10-28T07:31:00.000-04:00

Is there anything more disgusting or disturbing than pedophilia? If there is, it's probably so disturbing that no one would ever talk about it! But, if you like squirming in your seat and feeling like you're watching something that you shouldn't be, then you're going to love Hard Candy!

Young Hayley is meeting Jeff at a coffee shop, the only problem is that Jeff is a 30 something and Hayley is still a pre-teen! Well, what we first witness is a bizarre dance between a predator and his prey, Jeff knows exactly all the right buttons to push with poor little Hayley, and Hayley seems to be drawn further and further into his web. Eventually, Hayley makes it to Jeff's house, where Jeff tries to get her to drink and offers to 'take her photo', after all, he's a photographer and has worked with all the top models. Now, don't think that this is going to turn into something that you shouldn't be watching at all, because soon, young Hayley turns the tables on Jeff and Jeff finds himself begging for mercy and looking for an escape!

In my opinion, Hard Candy is a movie that you should show your teenage daughters. The beginning of the movie shows us, just how easy it is to draw in an unsuspecting young girl...it's truly disturbing and dark, but it's worth a bit of squirming in your seat for the ending of this amazing low budget movie!!

Hard Candy gets a solid 4 out of 4 cigars, it's a great dark tale that will make you think about how these slimy predators walk right among us unseen every day!! So, until next time, when I'll be keeping a close eye on all my neighbors and reminding you that there's no such thing as a bad movie!

Cannibal Holocaust

2010-10-27T04:27:00.001-04:00

In my ongoing Disturbed October, let's delve into a little Italian sub-genre, shall we? That's right, this week, it's a cannibal movie, one that caused no end of trouble for it's poor director, Ruggero Deodato. It's Cannibal Holocaust and it's one of the first 'cinema-vertie' movies ever!

Here's the story: A film team has been sent deep into the Amazon, on a mission to find some of the native tribes. So, the anthropologist who sent the team, takes a team of his own to retrace their steps to find his missing comrades. As they make their way deep into the jungle, what they discover is tribe of people who have never seen white people, and figure that they might taste good!!!!

The real charm (if charm can really be used with a movie like this) of Cannibal Holocaust, is that it's presented mostly as 'found footage', this is the film that the teams took while on their respective trips, and we get to see some truly disturbing stuff...and some of it is actually real. You see, Deodato had the brilliant idea to film the local people eating local cuisine, and killing it too! So, we get to see a tortoise ripped from it's shell and several other animals killed and disemboweled...things that are pretty hard to watch, but the real footage of animal killings make the faked deaths of the people seem more real. In fact, after filming, Deodato ordered his stars into a sort of exile before the film was released, to keep the believability about it. The film was so seemingly realistic that Deodato was arrested and hauled before the Italian courts, and was forced to produce his cast to prove that he hadn't produced some twisted snuff film!

Now, if you're a bit squeamish, you'll probably want to avoid Cannibal Holocaust completely, but, if you're up for the dare, then I recommend the Grindhouse Releasing version, this gives you an option to skip through all the animals that were killed and just enjoy the human deaths! Because, if you're like me, you'd much rather watch the people being tortured than the animals!

Cannibal Holocaust gets 4 out of 4 cigars for it's sheer lack of any redeeming value, it's gritty, disturbing and difficult to watch...and that's also what makes it great! So, until next time, when I'll be eyeing my neighbors...they look like they might taste like chicken...remember that the best movies are bad movies.

Depraved Double Feature

2010-10-22T04:08:00.001-04:00

Since I missed the first official Saturday in October, I thought I'd make up for it by suggesting a demented double feature this weekend. Now, if you're squeamish or the least bit sensitive, then these are two movies to be put down and avoided at all costs. These are movies that will make you squirm in your seat and make you question the very existence of good taste! That's right, this week we'll delve deep into rape/revenge territory with The Last House On The Left AND I Spit On Your Grave! And, I'm not talking about the remakes, let's stick with the originals here! These are two of the best 'dare' movies of all time! Let's start with the 'lighter' of the two...The Last House On The Left.

Young Mari Collingwood just wants to go to the big city and see a rock N roll show. That doesn't seem like so much to ask, does it? Well, when the year is 1972 and the city is New York, then, yes, it's probably too much to ask! So Mari and her friend, head to the city and, on their way to the show, decide to 'score some weed'...that's 70s talk for buy pot. Well, they happen across Junior, a loser who takes them back to his apartment. Only, there's no weed at Junior's apartment, only trouble. Trouble in the shape of Krug, Weasel and Sadie! Krug is out on parole and Weasel and Sadie are just trouble, and when the three are combined with the two innocent girls, evil rears it's ugly head! The two girls are beaten and raped and then thrown in the trunk of a car. Later, on a deserted, rural road, the two are dragged out of the trunk, raped again and then Mari's friend is killed. And, when Mari tries to run away, she's callously cut down too. Now the 4 maniacs find themselves in the middle of nowhere with a broken down car, and the house they choose to look for help in, happens to belong to Mari's parents. And, when Mom and Dad put 2 and 2 together and realize that something terrible has happened to their daughter, revenge will be without mercy!

While the remake is good, stick with the original, because there's just not a better movie villain than David Hess who plays Krug. Hess oozes evil and foreboding throughout the movie, even when the tables are turned, Krug manages to be menacing! The Last House On The Left gets 4 out of 4 cigars!

Now, let's wade a bit deeper into this dark territory with I Spit On Your Grave!

This movie is about Jennifer, a writer who's just looking for a quiet place to work on her new novel. So, she chooses a secluded cabin in a very rural location. But, when she stops for gas and supplies at the local grocery store, 4 thugs notice that "she ain't from around here" and follow her home. Jennifer is severely beaten and raped and left for dead, but manages to nurse herself back to health, but when the thugs discover this, she's beaten even more and raped again! Now, Jennifer plans their demises, one at a time, in the most gruesome fashions imaginable!

I Spit On Your Grave is one of the most uncomfortable movies ever made, if you can sit through it without once feeling like you're watching something that you shouldn't be watching, then there's something wrong with you!! The violence is gritty and believable, but it's all necessary for Jennifer's revenge to be as sweet as it is! I Spit On Your Grave gets 4 out of 4 cigars, and a warning, don't watch this if you're squeamish or too soft hearted, otherwise you're not going to sleep for several days!!!

So, there's your demented, depraved double feature, turn down the lights, pop some corn, get a giant soft drink, curl up on the couch and be prepared to be mentally ravaged by two of the most disturbing movies ever made!!! And, after you get up and turn the lights on, remember to remind yourself that the best movies are bad movies!

Henry: Portait Of A Serial Killer

2010-10-20T05:20:00.000-04:00

In my quest to bring you the most disturbing movies of all time during this Halloween season, it would be remiss of me to overlook one of my all time favorite 'dare movies', Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer!

Henry is the only movie, to my knowledge that was given an 'X' rating for it's "moral tone". And, if you've ever seen Henry, then you'll know that it totally deserved that label! Here's the story:

Henry is a seemingly normal, although quiet, guy. He's just moved in with his friend Otis and his sister, Becky. Otis is very concerned about getting to see his sister naked...which might seem a bit strange...until you dig deeper into the movie. One afternoon, Otis get so angry, he says "I could just kill someone", well, that's just what Henry needed to hear. And the movie dives into territory that will have you wanting to take a shower!

You see, as Henry begins to teach Otis how to be a killer, you start to realize that this is nearly a 'how to' movie about becoming a serial killer. Henry teaches us about weapons, victim selection and where to get rid of bodies...it's all very creepy.

If you can get through Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer, you've taken one step closer to being an official 'bad movie guy', this is one of those movies that people call 'dare movies', because you dare someone to get all the way through it...and those are the movies that I LOVE!

Henry: Portrait Of A Serial Killer gets 4 out of 4 cigars, it's slightly dated, and the effects aren't super great, but it's one of the most psychologically damaging movies ever made...and it's a Halloween must! So, until next time, when I'll be leaving my bodies in a suitcase on the side of the freeway, remember that the best movies are bad movies!

Audition

2010-10-15T06:10:00.000-04:00

It's October, and unlike spring, when a young man's fancy turns to love, it's autumn, where this young man's fancy turns to horror! So, in honor of Halloween and my love of horror in general, I thought we'd take the next few weeks to talk about some of my all time favorite/most disturbing horror movies. And, first up, let's talk about my favorite J-Horror movie, Audition.

If you haven't seen Audition, then sit back and enjoy the ride. It's the story of a man who's looking for love, and he's decided that, instead of hitting the dating scene, he'll do auditions for a girl he wants to get to know better. He picks a seemingly nice, very quiet girl and starts dating her. And, at first, everything seems to go along quite nicely. That's at first, as the movie moves forward, we discover that this girl has something wrong with her...something SERIOUSLY WRONG!!!

I won't give away the ending to this movie, because that would ruin a great film, but this is a must see movie! Audition gets 4 out of 4 cigars, and it deserves 5 out of 4! If you're looking for a wonderfully creepy movie, then Audition is for you!

The Horseman

2010-10-08T09:42:00.000-04:00

A new audio review from Bad Movie Guy.com!

The Horseman

What's Up For The Weekend!

2010-09-24T06:57:00.000-04:00

So, you want to know what I think? Well, I'll tell you, and you usually don't have to ask, I'll just tell you anyway! Here's what I think will happen this weekend at the movies.

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps opens today, and I'm pretty sure that it'll be #1 this weekend. Everyone will probably want to see Michael Douglas...before he dies...and, there's really not anything else hitting right now. #2 will be The Town, it's getting good word of mouth and, I've been told, it's a good movie. Kids will probably drag their moms to see You Again, which will be #3 this weekend.

As for me, I have some indie movies to catch up on, and then it's back to Dexter Season 4 for me! That's this weeks recommendation. Dexter. If you haven't seen this series, start at the beginning, you won't want to miss a minute of it! Dexter is a blood spatter analyst for the Miami PD, and he's also a serial killer! But, Dexter doesn't just kill anyone, Dexter has a code, he only kills people who deserve it. So, child molesters, murderers, anyone who thinks they've 'gotten away with it' beware, Dexter has his eyes on you. Oh, and there's the added tension that he works for the police, people who might frown on his 'hobby'.

While I've over simplified it, Dexter is one of the best written, best acted shows in TV today. The 5th Season is starting soon, so you might head out and grab the first 4 and catch up...oh, and let me warn you about Season 4...John Lithgow's naked ass makes an appearance, so brace yourself...you've been warned!

AMC How I Love You

2010-09-21T05:32:00.000-04:00

If you're not a fan of AMC, then you don't know what you're missing...lately anyway! Two weeks ago, they decided to show a different Dirty Harry movie each week night! Now, if you've never seen a Dirty Harry movie, first, COMMUNIST! Second, you're missing a great movie series...with the exception of Sudden Impact, watch the first half hour and then walk away, not that great.

Then, last week, it was a different Death Wish movie each week night! WHAT??? It was a little slice of Brian heaven. Week one, Clint Eastwood killing scumbags, week two Charles Bronson killing scumbags, how could AMC top that?

With a week of Mad Max movies! And, while there are only 3 of those and the last one, Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome sucks it...hard. The first two are great movies!

So, AMC, my hat's off to you, also, my chair is reclined, my popcorn is popped and my beer is cold....so let's see how you can top these first three weeks of pure movie heaven!!!

Have You Seen Machete? No? Why The Hell Not?!?!

2010-09-16T06:45:00.000-04:00

If you know me, then you know what a big fan of exploitation movies I am. In the bigger cities, they were shown in what was then known as 'grindhouses', but here in Detroit, there weren't that many grindhouse theatres, so we had to settle for the drive-in...where they showed basically the same exploitation movies! So, anytime I can head to the theatre and see a cool drive-in style movie, it's like taking a trip to the past and it's a little slice of heaven for me. Well, I couldn't have been happier to go see Machete, and it couldn't have been a better movie!

If you saw Grindhouse in 2007, then you saw the original trailer for Machete, which was one of the coolest trailers in the program, and, when it was announced that Robert Rodriguez was actually going to make the movie, I got in line for my ticket. Machete is being touted as a "mex-ploitation" movie, and it is! Danny Trejo plays Machete, a federale who's wife is killed in front of him and he's left for dead. Years later, he's an illegal immigrant in the U.S. and is offered money to kill a Senator who's against illegals. Machete takes the offer, but is set up by the local politicians, and now, he has to, not only clear his name, but get revenge on the men who set him up...who are also connected to the people who killed his family! Classic drive-in stuff!

If you love great action, then you'll love Machete. If you love a cool revenge flick, then you'll love Machete. If you loved the grindhouse or the drive-in, then you'll love Machete! And, the best part for me, two young dudes were in the theatre behind me, all excited to get to see Lindsay Lohan nude, well, she's there, she's nude, but it's a body double! Rodriguez, in total drive-in style, teases Lindsay, but when it comes time for the 'money shot', it's obviously not Lohan, and I think it's intended that way, a low budget drive-in movie could never afford a major star doing a nude scene, but they could afford a 'stunt double' and then use the rumor of 'big star nudity' to seel tickets! I loved the fact that these guys got sucked in for nothing...now that, my friends, is exploitation at it's finest!!!!!

I'm giving Machete 4 out of 4 cigars, if you haven't seen it, then head out to see it now, and if you have seen it, see it again. That guy sitting there in the dark, having the time of his life....that's probably me!

Okay Movie-Goers! WTF???

2010-09-08T06:07:00.000-04:00

I went on Friday to check out Machete, and you know what? It was amazing! Robert Rodriquez has a total grasp on grindhouse (or drive-in) movies and how they were made. Machete is exactly what those movies were, a bit of gore, a ton of action, some nekkid chicks and a great story, all combined to be more than the sum of it's parts!!!

But, movie-goers, in their infinite wisdom, went to check out the George Clooney movie, The American, first! What the hell is up with that??? Did all the men stay home this weekend to see college football?? They must have, because no man who wants to continue to hold onto their 'man card', would be caught dead watching George Clooney pretend to be James Bond in a cut rate movie!!! But, I digress. Taken stays in there at #3, and again, I wonder who the hell is seeing that movie? Apparently, I'm a bit out of touch lately! I'm not sure what hits this weekend, and since I'm on dis-so-luscious vacation, I may take the rest of the week off.

But, if you're a movie fan and you haven't seen Machete...then shame on you! It's fun, it's action, it's amazing! And, it makes me want to get in line for the sequel already!!!!!

Weekend Predictions

2010-09-03T05:57:00.000-04:00

Alright, last week I was wrong....much as I hate to admit it, but this weekend, I think I have more of a bead on the box office. So, here I go, I'm putting on my swami hat and gazing into my crystal ball...

This week's #1 movie will be....drum roll please...Machete! That's right, it's getting pretty good word of mouth, and it's been pretty highly anticipated, I, for one, will be there this very afternoon!

#2 will be Going The Distance, yes, I know what you're thinking, no one wants to see that, but they've been out convincing people that it's a raunchy comedy and not a chick flick, so I think they'll entice enough people to check it out.

#3 will be The Last Exorcism, it's getting pretty good work of mouth and it's a holiday weekend, so it's liable to draw in a bunch of people.

And, for those of you saying, "What about The American?". Well, here's the deal, no one wants to see George Clooney as an assassin, he's a good actor, but he's not an action star...nice try, George, but we're just not interested.

And, if you're staying home, here's a couple of movies for you. First, if you haven't seen it, you should check out the Swedish version of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo. This story of a disgraced journalist and a "punk/goth" investigator is an incredibly great movie! If you've read that book, and can't wait for the U.S. version of this movie, do yourself a favor and check out the original version. It's violent, it's pretty hard to watch in spots, but the story is great and it'll really make you want to see the sequels!!!

Personally, I think this weekend will be for Edgar Wright's Hot Fuzz, yes, it's a movie I haven't seen yet and I'm really looking forward to sitting down in the comfy chair, grabbing my snack pack and diving in!

So, join me back here on Monday...if I'm right, if I'm not, then who knows when I'll be back!!! Either way, remember my motto, 'the best movies are bad movies'!

Alright, So I Was Wrong!!!

2010-08-30T06:05:00.000-04:00

On Friday, I predicted a win by The Expendables this weekend and I was wrong. I didn't think that a horror movie would open #1 this early in the year, figuring that the closer we get to Halloween, the more people are looking to be scared at the movies.

Well, I was wrong! The Last Exorcism opened at #1, and good for them, I'm hearing really good things about this movie and I'm looking forward to checking it out asap. #2 was Taken, which makes me say "Really?". I guess, nothing else was out there to interest the young people so they saw this. #3 was The Expendables...so, congrats to Stallone and the boys for keeping it up...so to speak!

This week, we've got Machete, The American and Going The Distance opening. Let me take a look and we'll do it all again on Friday. Until then, remember, the best movies (in my opinion) are bad movies!

Weekend Predicton...And A Recommendation!

2010-08-27T06:10:00.000-04:00

The only movie that looks to me like it has a chance of hitting #1 this weekend is The Last Exorcism. This looks to be an interesting movie, that isn't quite what you might think it is. So, my weekend prediction is.....The Expendables will stay at number 1...although with a significant drop in $. The Last Exorcism will be #2 and #3 will most likely be Vampires Suck...for some reason, the kids like the Twilight and they, apparently, like the parody too...go figure! So, let's wait until Monday and see how I do!

As for at home this weekend, here's a couple of movies that might keep you entertained indoors. First it's Confessions of a Superhero, a documentary about those weirdos who dress as celebs and super heroes and stand in front of Grauman's Chinese on Hollywood Blvd. and take pictures with tourists for tips...not for pay, for tips only! The featured player here is Christopher Dennis, who dressed as Superman...he's been seen countless places dressed as the Man Of Steel, most famously on Jimmy Kimmel Live on ABC. At the beginning of the doc, Dennis comes off as the most level headed and 'normal' of these costumed performers, but as more of his life is revealed, he turns into a nearly-pathetic guy who's lost in a strange fantasy world of Superman and celebrity. Confessions Of A Super Hero takes these people from just weirdos on the street to real people and goes from the interesting, to the pathetic, to the tragic at times. It's a great look into the minds of people who desperately want to be famous, but either have limited talent or skill to achieve their goal! 4 out of 4 cigars.

If a documentary doesn't sound like a good way to spend a weekend, then how about a TV show on DVD?! That's right, I'm going to recommend Dexter again! Why? Well, (1) because Season Four just hit DVD last week, and, (2) because this is the best show on TV right now...HANDS DOWN! If you're unfamiliar with Dexter, he's a serial killer, but he's got a code he follows, he'll never kill anyone who doesn't deserve it, so he's a killer who kills other killers! The problem is that he's still a serial killer and he works for the police, which means that he's always in danger of being caught by the people who surround him daily! Now, if that doesn't get you interested in the amazing Showtime series, then just rent season 1 disc 1, after your get through that, you'll find yourself heading to the video store to buy every season that's out there. And, at the end of the month, Season 5 premieres on Showtime...so there's time to catch up before the new season begins!!! Dexter also gets 4 out of 4 cigars.

So, that should get you through the weekend, if it doesn't, then you've got more time on your hands than I do...and I tend to have a lot of time on my hands! Have a great weekend, and let's all agree to meet back here on Monday to see if my predictions come true!

Castle Freak

2010-07-23T07:54:00.000-04:00

We all have those relatives that we'd just rather lock in the cellar and forget. In my family, that relative is me, so I totally understand. Well, I've always wondered what it might be like if my family all got together and locked me in the cellar and just forgot about me, well, I found a movie that gives me a little insight. It's a Stuart Gordon movie, starring Jeffrey Combs, it's Castle Freak and it's awesome, here's the story:

John and his family have inherited a castle in Italy and, since John and his wife have been having some issues, they decide to live there to try to resolve their marital problems. Adding to the stress is their daughter, she's blind and needs Moms help, which is making Dad a bit jealous. You know the routine, a handicapped child and the father suddenly needs more attention than he did before...we've seen this before. Well, what John and the fam don't count on is someone else is in the castle with them. It's a cousin, but he's been so horribly abused that he's malformed, malnourished and has the general appearance and attitude of a monster!

Well, when things start disappearing or breaking around the castle the natural assumption is that it's the blind girl who's unfamiliar with her surroundings. But, when bodies are found in the castle, everyone assumes that John has lost it and is on a rampage! Will John realize that there's a monster in his house? Or will he be taken to prison leaving his family at the mercies of this creature?

Castle Freak may be one of the most underrated collaborations between Stuart and Combs, but it's one of the best. Castle Freak is much more than a monster movie, it's a very subtle character piece about a couple who's in trouble and how they deal with it. Combs is amazing as always...in fact, he may be one of the most underrated actors working today...don't believe me, just take a look at his imdb page and see the range that this amazing actor has! Castle Freak plays like a modern day Hammer film, the monsters and horrors are there, but there's a great story too!

I'm giving Castle Freak 4 out of 4 cigars, it's well worth your time!

Castle Freak

This Film Is Not Yet Rated

2010-07-21T06:13:00.000-04:00

Have you ever wondered how your favorite movies get their rating? Well, a cool doc I just caught investigates the ratings board and how it works. Its' called This Film Is Not Yet Rated, and it'll make you wonder about the ratings system!

The documentarian, Kirby Dick, takes us as far behind the scenes of the ratings board as he can. You see, the board itself is top secret, no one is supposed to know who's on the board, we're just supposed to know that they're 'normal' people who are parents. Dick hires a private investigator to find out who's actually on the board, and, as it turns out, the board is mostly 'normal' people, but people who make an pretty good amount of money, and all that money comes from the major studios!

When Dick submits his documentary and gets an NC-17 rating, and isn't told what he can do to improve his rating. But, when the studios submit movies, they get copious notes on what to change and how to change it...it's as if the ratings board is part of the film making process for the studios, while they're very adversarial with the indies!

This Film Is Not Yet Rated will really open your eyes as to how movies are rated and why. If you love movies, then you'll love this documentary. It pulls the veil back on the ratings board and show us movies that have been rated and why they got the rating they got...it's all very interesting.

I'm giving This Film Is Not Yet Rated 3 out of 4 cigars, it's not perfect and if you're not a movie buff, then you might be a little bored by the process, but it's definitely worth your time!

This Film Is Not Yet Rated

Weekend Excitement

2010-07-19T04:42:00.000-04:00

I know that you're all wondering what the ol' bad movie guy got up to over the weekend. You weren't?! Well, join the club, my friends, and I'm gonna tell you anyway!

First up, I caught a John Wayne movie that I'd never seen before, The Cowboys. This is one of the few John Wayne movies I had never seen before, and I think it's become one of my favorites. I'm definitely an 'old school' western guy, and this is an 'old school' western...when men were men and good and bad were hard black and white lines and Bruce Dern needed a beating! Yes, it's a little long, but it totally worth the time, a great movie and one of Wayne's most under appreciated westerns.

I also caught a few indie movies, Leach, A Proper Violence and Operation: Endgame...to hear about those, you'll just have to keep your eyes on Rogue Cinema, but let me just say, two of them were really good and one was a bit of a turkey...and the turkey isn't the one you might think!

I also sat down for a little mini-marathon of Mantracker and American Pickers...two of my current favorite shows. American Pickers (in case you've been living under a pop culture rock) is about two guys looking through junk piles for treasure...and they usually find it. It's a great show and worth the time. Mantracker is a competition show, two people are set in the woods and they have to avoid being caught by a modern day cowboy, who uses only trail skills to track his prey. If he catches them, they lose, but if they get to the finish line they win. The course is 20 miles long and takes 2 days, so you're forced to spend the night in 'the bush'. It's a great show and a lot of fun...and it's on the Science Channel, so I think that I'm learning something, but I'm not sure what.

Well, that was it for this weekend. Weekend's are fun, but they're too short! This week includes Slime City Massacre (which I'm really looking forward to), a Coffin Joe flick and a couple more indies...plus the dentist, God how I hate the dentist...both the movie and the place!

If you know any movies that you think I might like...or think I haven't seen, then just drop me a line at my bad movie guy address.

Born Losers

2010-07-16T04:42:00.000-04:00

Ah, the 70s. A simpler time, when a person could go to a cheerleader camp, have themselves a lovely little chainsaw massacre and biker gangs roamed the great plains. Well, times have changed and, sadly, biker gangs are now as scarce as the mighty buffalo...and nearly as hairy! Well, let's reach way back in the old movie vault and check out a movie from a time when the mighty biker roamed freely and only a few, strong bare-footed men were willing to stand up to them. That's right, it's the 1967 classic, Born Losers and it'll have you wanting to face off with your local biker gang.

This is officially the first 'Billy Jack' movie, and tells the story of a small California town that's being terrorized by a biker gang...the Born Losers, naturally. Well, after the gang attacks and rapes several local college girls, the local police want them to testify to put the evil hog jockeys in prison. The problem comes when the cops don't put the bikers in a holding cell and they set off to intimidate all the witnesses in town. Now, the only person who isn't afraid of these hairy ne'er-do-wells is a Vietnam vet/Native American, Billy Jack. Billy thinks that right is right and wrong is wrong and to hell with the law if it won't protect the innocent and sets off to protect one witness and stop the bikers from winning the day.

Now, if this sounds simple, then you're right...it is! But, that's the beauty of Born Losers, it's a straight forward 70s revenge movie, and it started the Billy Jack cycle...which, I believe caused Tom Laughlin (the actor who played Billy) to lose his mind. You see, after the sequel to Born Losers, Billy Jack, Tom was suddenly a b-movie star and the third movie, The Trial Of Billy Jack, clocked in at over 2 hours long and killed the franchise...not that there really was such a thing as a franchise film series in the 70s.

I'm giving Born Losers 4 out of 4 cigars, it's a pretty cool little action/revenge flick that doesn't pretend to be anything that it's not. And, let's face it, who doesn't like to see evil bikers get the crap kicked out of them!

Born Losers

Inside Deep Throat - Theatrical NC-17 Edition

2010-07-13T06:41:00.000-04:00

When you see that I watched Inside Deep Throat, I'm sure you're thinking to yourself, 'Well, Brian got a vacation and decided to catch up on some porn!'. Well, you couldn't be further from the truth. Inside Deep Throat is an amazing documentary about the original release of the classic porn movie in the early 70s. It begins with the environment that brought about the movie, how the country reacted to it and the after effects of Deep Throat being such a cultural phenomenon!

If you weren't alive at the time, in 1974, then you probably don't remember that it was quite a thing. Late night hosts made Deep Throat jokes, normal house-wives went to the local porn theatre to see the movie and it was EVERY WHERE!!! Even being just 12 years old at the time, I can vividly remember hearing about this movie, and knowing that it was something that I wasn't allowed to see...which made me want to see it all the more, unfortunately, having parents that actually payed attention to what I was doing, I never really got the chance...until years later.

Apparently, up to the time of Deep Throat's release, porn movies never had any sort of plot, they were just unconnected scenes, the director of Deep Throat came up with the idea of having the actors actually act and making the movie more of a story...even if the story wasn't that good and wasn't going to win any awards. The director himself admits that it's not a very good movie. This doc, interviews all the surviving players in the movie, and includes interviews with Linda Lovelace, it begins with the filming of the movie, then follows the cast and crew through the start of it becoming a phenomenon and then to today to the repercussions that the movie is still having on the players and society!

But the real story here, is the cultural earthquake that this little porn movie caused across the country. From banning, to protests to a couple of Presidents siting the movie in speeches, there has never been a porn movie that got this much attention!

If you're interested in film history, then you'll enjoy this movie, if you're looking for some 'porn' then look somewhere else...this isn't about this doc is about, this is more of a behind the scenes type of movie that tracks everything from the production through the ramifications that we're still feeling to this day.

I'm giving Inside Deep Throat 3 1/2 out of 4 cigars, it's not for everyone, but if you like movies, then you'll enjoy this!

Inside Deep Throat - Theatrical NC-17 Edition

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy

2010-07-08T08:55:00.000-04:00

Are you a fan of the Nightmare On Elm Street series? Come on, who are you kidding? Who isn't?! Well, if you're a fan, and you've got some time on your hands...say about 4 hours...then I've got a very cool documentary for you! It's called Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy, and it's one of the best horror docs I've ever seen!

The story begins with the origins of the original Elm Street movie, back when Wes Craven was known only for The Last House On The Left and The Hills Have Eyes, and Wes himself explains how he got the idea, where he got the name Freddy and everything. There are interviews with the cast, crew and effects people from each movie, it's an Elm Street fan's wet dream!

The doc starts at the beginning and goes right through Freddy Vs. Jason, talking with each director about their thoughts on the movie, the cast with behind the scenes stories and special effects people about how some of the most famous gags were done. It seems that everyone is represented here except for Johnny Depp and Rosanna Arquette, and their absence only gives you the impression that they both feel too big for these 'little' movies.

If you're a fan of these movies, then you're going to want to see this, the 4 hour running time flies past and, with interviews with the likes of Robert Englund and Wes Craven, you'll hear things that you've never heard about these movies! I'm giving Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy 4 out of 4 cigars, it's fun, it's fast paced and it's a must for any fan of the Elm Street series! Put it in your Netflix queue right now, because it's one of those movies that will be very popular, you'll have to wait a while, but it's worth it!

Never Sleep Again: The Elm Street Legacy

Attack Girls' Swim Team vs. the Undead

2010-06-29T05:04:00.000-04:00

I'm firmly convinced that the Japanese have something deeply wrong with them psychologically...as a culture. If you don't believe me, just take a look at some of the movies that they produce! Just as an example, let's look at one in particular, it's called Attack Girls Swim Team Vs. The Undead.

Now, who wouldn't be interested in that, girls in bathing suits fighting zombies?! It sounds perfect, but it is, in fact, one of the weirdest movies I've ever seen...and I've seen some weird crap!!! Here's the story:

Young Aki is a new student in school, her only friend is Sayaka, a girl who thinks that Aki should join the school's swim team to make more friends. One day, a van appears at school and it's vaccination day, after all, there's a "new virus" going around and we have to be inoculated, don't we? Not long after the inoculations are given, everything goes crazy! Teachers begin executing students, students begin eating each other and the only people unaffected are the girls swim team. It seems that something in the water that keeps the swim team safe...so, it makes sense to dump water on the other zombies to either save or destroy them! And that would be fine, but the teachers got a 'special' inoculation that makes them immune to the water too!! So, the swim team must battle them or die.

Now, that might seem like a very simple movie, but if you're familiar with Japanese cinema at all, then you know that that's just the caramel center in the middle of a very strange confection. First, Aki is, in fact, not what she seems, there's a mad scientist involved in the whole sordid affair and...let me just say this...vagina laser beam...yes, you read that right!

Attack Girls Swim Team Vs. The Undead is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen, and, if you have the stomach, it's not a terrible movie. There's zombies, there's sex, there's school girls...this is a horror perverts dream come true!!!! I'm giving Attack Girls Swim Team Vs. The Undead 3 out of 4 cigars, it defies description and logic, but it's weird enough that you can't take your eyes off of it!

Attack Girls' Swim Team vs. the Undead

Looking For A Good Movie This Weekend? Let Me Help!

2010-06-25T04:50:00.000-04:00

Since at least one person a week asks me to recommend a movie, I thought it might be a good idea to just jot down a few movies that might be cool to watch this weekend if it's too hot where you are to enjoy the great outdoors!

Looking for a good action movie? Then try Clint Eastwood's Unforgiven, this very cool western is sort of the end to Clint's famous 'Man With No Name' trilogy. While it's not directly related in any way, this story of an aging gunfighter who's changed his ways and fallen on hard times, only to have an opportunity fall into his lap that'll drag him back to his killing ways, may be the best western ever made! Yes, I said it. If you haven't ever seen Unforgiven, then take an afternoon and sit back and enjoy!

Not interested in action, just want some scares? Then what about George A. Romero's Diary of the Dead? George Romero restarts his 'dead' movies with this very cool zombie flick. Shot in what we all now call 'shaky cam', this is one of the few movies that actually has a reason to use it. A group of indie filmmakers is out in the woods filming a 'bad' horror movie, when the dead return! Now, they're trying to get home before they get eaten. Great scares, a good story and lot of good old fashioned blood and guts for all of us zombie fans! And, if you love it as much as I do, then grab George Romero's Survival of the Dead for an excellent double feature!

Not in the mood for either of those?! Fine! How about something to laugh at? Can I recommend a trip to the distant past, a past where Tom Hanks was America's funniest man, and take a gander at Bachelor Party. Now, I know that it might seem a bit dated now, but just sit down and let it wash over you, you'll love it! The story of the ultimate bachelor party is one of the funniest things ever...and it'll make you want to get your friends all together and hire a mule...just watch the movie, it's a funny line!

Now, for those of you who think that I'm just a 'guy' and only like 'guy' movies, here's a recommendation from my 'all time top 10 that you never thought Brian would like', it's Love Actually, and it's an anthology movie about love. Romantic love, the love between friends, the love between father and son...it's just a love movie. And, it's one of the best romantic comedies ever made! I defy you to sit through this movie and not love it. If it can melt my heart, then it's a blow torch of a completely different kind!

Finally, what about one of my famous 'bad' movies? Let me recommend, for you viewing pleasure, Funny Games. Get the German version, not the one with Naomi Watts! While both are good movies, I'm always a fan of checking out the original before the remake. This tale of two psychos who hold a family hostage while playing an evil game with their lives, isn't your typical horror flick. This movie drags you into it, in a way that I've never seen before. There are parts of the movie that will actually make you rewind to make sure that you just saw what you saw! And, when the characters in the movie, actually turn to you to ask advice...you know that something is definitely weird here! Funny Games is one of the most creative horror flicks ever made, and not a ton of people saw it...which is sad, it really is an amazing movie!

Well, that should provide you with an weekend of fun and thrills...what else can I do for you??? And remember, if you've seen a movie that you think I haven't seen and might like, then drop me an email at brian@badmovieguy.com!

Night of the Dead

2010-06-23T03:58:00.000-04:00

It seems that anyone who gets a camera for Christmas thinks that they should make a movie. And, why is it that the movie that they all want to make is a zombie movie?? Does George Romero really make it look that easy? Well, another in a long line of zombie movie entries is Night Of The Dead and it's...well, let's just face it, it's more of the same!

The story here is par for the course, a scientist is obsessed with bringing back the dead after the death of his wife and daughter, so he finds a way, but they come back with a hunger for human flesh! Why is it that anytime the dead come back, they want to eat us? Seriously, wouldn't zombies crave something that they missed in life, like sushi or pizza?!?! Well, it isn't long before the dead are running loose and hunting down the living in the hospital it's all set in!

The only real difference here is the addition of the evil scientist's wife and daughter, his nephew and the nephew's pregnant wife. When the nephew is bitten by a zombie, he has to fight off his hunger for human flesh and help his pregnant wife escape the clutches of the hungry dead! Other than that, it's all zombie staples, death, reanimation, hunger for flesh...blah, blah, blah.

While, ordinarily, I enjoy a nice low budget movie, this one is a bit different. Most of the time, you can sense the passion of the filmmaker in these kinds of films, the real enthusiasm DOES come across onto the screen, but in Night Of The Dead, it feels more like everyone is just going through the motions, the acting isn't great, the story is a complete retread and the only real stand out in the whole cast is the 8 year old daughter...who's only in about 3 scenes!

I'm giving Night Of The Dead 1 out of 4 cigars, and here's a bit of advice from a movie lover to all the filmmakers out there. If you're going to do a zombie movie, try to find an original take on it, we've all seen the 'people trapped in a building, fighting a horde of zombies' movies, try to find an original way to get into the concept....please!

Night of the Dead

Jonah Hex...Some Spoilers Ahead!

2010-06-18T16:12:00.000-04:00

Just got back from Jonah Hex and I have to say the terrible reviews it's getting aren't all warranted. If you're going in looking for an Oscar worthy movie, then look elsewhere, but, if you're just looking for a fun popcorn movie, then you could do a lot worse!

If you're not familiar with Jonah Hex, he's a former Confederate soldier turned bounty hunter, and he's the best there is. The movie gives us Hex's origin and then sets him after his arch-enemy, Quinten Turnbull.

Josh Brolin is good as Jonah Hex and John Malkovich is good as Turnbull...and let's all just agree that Megan Fox in ANY movie is just a mistake! The real trouble with this movie is that it doesn't know what it wants to be. It's not a real western because there's way too much supernatural, comic-booky stuff going on. Hex's ability to 'talk to the dead' and the crow motif that seems to want to remind us of the movie The Crow. And it's not true to the comic books, so the nerd nation will disavow this harder than The Punisher with John Travolta as the villain (another movie I liked by the way). The origin of the Hex/Turnbull feud is respun to make Turnbull a warrior, where in the comics, he was always more of a western Kingpin. And Hex himself looks WAY better than he ever did in the books.

The bottom line here is that if you can get past all that and think of this as an original story, it's not too bad. It's not the Jonah Hex from the comic books, but it's still not a bad fantasy western...which is what Jonah Hex always was anyway.

I'm giving Jonah Hex 3 out of 4 cigars, and most of the one it lost is because of Megan Fox!

Superman Returns (Full Screen Edition)

2010-06-18T03:50:00.000-04:00

In honor of DC's release of Jonah Hex this weekend (review posted asap on Saturday), I thought it would be cool to look at one of the worst super hero movies ever...that also had the best super hero scene in it...ever! That's right, it's Superman Returns and it's horrible, except for one part!

On paper, this Brian Singer movie has all kinds of potential. Echoing the classic Donner movies, and picking up the story where Superman 2 left off, was, in theory, a great idea. However, Singer takes Superman and turns him into so mopey, whiny emo guy...and we all know that, while Superman's a huge boy scout, he's no wimp. The basic story is that, after Superman regains his powers at the end of part 2, he left Earth to 'find himself', and how, 5 years later he's returned...hence the title! He returns to find that Lois Lane has moved on with her life, she has a new boyfriend and a son and has even taken a stand against Superman! This depresses Superman, who wants Lois to love him, but doesn't want to ruin her life...after all, he's Superman and he belongs to the world, not to one person.

The trouble with the story is that way too much time is spent on the drama between Lois and Clark and there's not nearly enough Superman stuff!!! Superman should be fighting super villains, not pining after his sweetheart, that's a nice side story, but the main story needs to be conflict between hero and villain...are you listening DC??

Now, as bad as this movie is, and overall it's just the worst, the opening airplane sequence may be the best super hero sequence ever on film!! As a newly revamped space shuttle is preparing to launch from the back of a modified 747, something goes wrong and the plane won't detach before orbital launch, endangering the reporters who are along for the story on the 747...with Lois Lane among them, natch!

When mild mannered Clark Kent sees the breaking news story on TV, he immediately launches into action as Superman, starting the greatest Superman sequence EVER!!! Superman flies into orbit, lifts the shuttle into space and then still manages to save the plane before it crashes to earth!

This is the perfect super hero sequence, from the beginning when mission control identifies a 'bogey moving in...fast', through the use of Superman's heat vision, right through the rescue of the plane and the cheering crowds (including 2 Jimmy Olsens hugging each other), this is the perfect super hero sequence EVER. And, if you don't believe me, then rent this movie, watch the airplane sequence and then walk away, don't let the rest of this movie ruin this amazing scene!

There are two rating for Superman Returns, 2 out of 4 for the movie, 4 out of 4 for the airplane sequence! That's right, I can't tell you how many times I've watched that scene, if I see Superman Returns on cable, I'll set it into the DVR, just to watch the airplane sequence! In fact, I watched it twice this morning before I came to work...it's just that damned good, from the originality of the sequence right through to the echoes of the helicopter rescue in the first Superman movie, it's just a perfect scene, and it makes the rental price totally worth it!

Superman Returns (Two-Disc Special Edition)

Don't Like What's Going On Today? Just Wait, It Gets Better!!!

2010-06-16T06:17:00.000-04:00

According to the movie Conquest Of The Planet Of The Apes, the apes took control of the planet in 1999! Well, here we sit in 2010 and NOTHING! I was hoping by this time that all of us humans would be living in the wild, hanging from trees and trying to avoid ape hunting parties! I guess that's one future that just isn't going to happen in my lifetime...sorry, Brian! So, what else isn't going to happen to us? I thought we'd take a quick look at potential futures that didn't happen...and some things to look forward to.

Conquest of the Planet of the Apes

If you're a fan of the movie Escape From New York, then you know that in 1997, Manhattan was supposed to have been made into a prison and the United States is in the middle of some kind of international crisis. On the down side, in this particular future we're still using cassettes!! Now, while I'm not usually a big fan of the post-apocalyptic futures, if it involves Kurt Russell in an eye patch doing a Clint Eastwood impression, count me in, I'll get a job with the Duke Of New York...A Number One!!

Escape from New York

In possible futures, my all time favorite will happen in 2015, when, here in Detroit, we'll let Omni-Consumer Products implement the Robocop program! Finally, Detroit will be safe with this cybernetic policeman on patrol! Oh yeah, I'm also a proponent of New Delta City too, the city that will replace Detroit, in fact, I've got my bulldozer ready, gassed up and ready to begin the construction!

Robocop (20th Anniversary Collector's Edition)

Jumping ahead to 2022, things might get a bit crowded around here...well, around everywhere, really. The future that Soylent Green shows us is crowded, but at least the government is feeding us! Yes, the Soylent Green program promises that we'll have food aplenty for all of us! Oh Happy Day! Finally the government seems to be doing something right by finding this plentiful supply of food from...somewhere!

Soylent Green

Now, don't think things are all bleak in the future, it'll get better starting around 2032, if you believe the future that Demolition Man shows us...and I do. In this future, the world is a wonderful and peaceful place. Violence is a thing of the past, no one needs weapons of any kind and Taco Bell is still in business! What could be better?!?! I'm pretty sure that all this peace and prosperity is because of the Robocop program we implemented 17 years earlier.

Demolition Man

And, in case you thought I'd forget, things will get better and stay better permanently starting around 2387, when the universe of Star Trek will begin to take shape! Sure there are Klingons to worry about, but we'll all get cool uniforms, get to travel in space and have tricorders...so we'll have that going for us...which will be nice.

Star Trek: The Original Series - Season One (Remastered Edition)

So, don't let the current recession get you down, things might get worse, but eventually they'll get better and then they'll be damned near perfect...and, personally, I'm looking forward to some of that Soylent Green with a little cheez whiz on top!!!

The Week In Preview

2010-06-14T04:53:00.000-04:00

Hey! Anyone can review what happened during the previous week, but I'm one of the few that will tell you what I'm looking forward to in the upcoming week. And, while it may not be "newsworthy" or "interesting", it's what I'm looking forward to and, let's face it, it's all about me here, isn't it!?

First up is The Crazies! It hits DVD on Tuesday June 29th, but Anchor Bay Entertainment sent me a screener of it! This remake of a George Romero classic is one that I never got to the theatres to see, and am really looking forward to checking out. It's also one of the few remakes that I've never seen the original of...that's right, there's a George Romero movie that I haven't seen...there goes me movie cred!

Next is the sitcom on TVLand, Hot In Cleveland. Yes, I know it's a lame sitcom, but those have been my guilty pleasure for my whole life, and this one starring Betty White and Valerie Bertinelli looks interesting...plus, who hasn't had a crush on Valerie Bertinelli since One Day At A Time??? No one, that's who!

Digging into my new book, The Last Founding Father: James Monroe and a Nation's Call to Greatness. Yes, I'm not just about gory horror movies, there's actually a brain in there and, for some reason, this book caught my eye. The biography of the last founding father to be president and how it was transitional to the country sounds like it might be very interesting! And, yes, someday, you'll be an old guy too, and we all like military and history books...I believe it's genetic!

Finally, on Friday, Jonah Hex opens! Yep, DC's most popular cowboy comic comes to life starring Josh Brolin! And, when I say 'most popular cowboy comic', I really mean, 'a comic that no one outside the geek world ever heard of'. Hex is a Confederate soldier who deserted rather than commit war atrocities, and now is a renowned bounty hunter. Sort of Clint Eastwood's The Man With No Name, mixed with some supernatural stuff, Jonah Hex has always been one of the best written comics out there, and Brolin looks really good in the makeup in the trailers. Oh, and Megan Fox is the co-star, but I'm trying to overlook that...every good thing has a downside, it seems, and Megan Fox is Jonah Hex's cross to bear!

So, there's the tip of my weekly iceberg, if there's something I missed just email me at brian@badmovieguy.com and let me know what it is, just make sure you put 'Weekly Preview' in the subject line so I don't delete you!

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

2010-06-11T04:00:00.000-04:00

I'll admit right up front, I wasn't a big fan of the animated G.I. Joe series. I'm a bit older than that, the G.I. Joe I knew was 12 inches tall and had 'life like' hair and 'kung fu grip', so all this 'Yo Joe' stuff is a bit lost on me, but I still heard good things about the movie G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra, so I wanted to check it out...and I got exactly what I expected.

This is really the story of the forming of the 'core team' of 'Joes', Duke, Ripcord, Scarlet, Heavy Duty and Snake Eyes....and, if you're as old as I am, then you're going to vaguely remember some of those guys. Well, after we're introduced to everyone, we meet Cobra, who's also just forming. Cobra has developed nano technology that will 'eat' metal and plans to destroy several cities to gain power, and it's up to the Joes to stop them! And, that's your basic story, lots of cgi explosions and stuff, but that's about it.

If you're going into a movie about G.I. Joe expecting Oscar calibar performances and story, then you probably shouldn't be watching movies, they'll just confuse you. But if, like me, you said, I feel like watching some crap blow up, a few kung fu fights and a mindless movie, then you're in for a treat, because as mindless action goes, this one is pretty good!

I'm giving G.I. Joe: The Rise Of Cobra 3 1/2 out of 4 cigars, it's not perfect, but it's pretty entertaining!

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Concept Art For Cap And Thor Revealed

2010-06-10T06:27:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure if you're as big a geek as I am, but I just saw these concept art version of the new costumes for Captain America: The First Avenger and Thor and thought it would be nice to share...if you haven't seen them yet.

The word on Thor is that he looks like a "metro-sexual biker", and that's kind of true, but the costume still echos the comic book costume enough that I like it, although I'm wondering where the helmet is! After all, Thor without the helmet isn't really the same, is it?

Cap on the other hand, is very different looking than the Cap costume we all know and love! The belt and suspenders are kind of strange, and the helmet is a bit different, but, in the context of a 'period' movie, set during World War 2, it's not too bad. After all, I always wondered how Cap fought the Nazis without wearing anything to cover his head but a spandex mask!

Overall, both of these movies look to be interesting, Marvel has done a great job so far interpreting their properties to the big screen, and still making them believable and it looks like they're going to keep up their streak!

Thor is scheduled to strike (like lightning) theatres on May 6, 2011, while Captain America: The First Avenger hits on July 22, 2011. It looks like 2011 is shaping up to be a great summer if you're a geek! And they'll all come together the year after that when Marvel and Joss Whedon (allegedly) bring them all together on May 4, 2012 for The Avengers!

The Stepfather

2010-06-09T04:40:00.001-04:00

Step-Parents seem to get a bad rap in horror movies, they're always evil! Is there no such thing as a nice step-parent?? What about Mr. Brady, I'm beginning to wonder what he was doing there in his study while at that drawing board! What sort of evil plans was he really drawing up? Makes you think, don't it? Well, the new remake of The Stepfather, might just answer that question.

Basically, The Stepfather is about a serial killer, or more specifically, what the FBI refers to as a 'family annihilator', someone who doesn't just kill one person, they wipe out the whole damned family! Well, meet David Harris, a guy so normal that it's...well, abnormal! We meet David when he's leaving his house for the last time, leaving his family behind...after he's killed them! So, we're pretty sure what's going on with David right from the start.

David moves to Portland where he 'happens to run into' Susan, a divorcee with 3 kids, David immediately begins ingratiating himself to her and the kids...I think we can all see where this is going, can't we? Well, when Susan's oldest son (a teenager who's at least 28!) moves back home from military school (showing us that he's a non-conformist and isn't afraid to challenge authority), he begins to suspect that something's just not right with David..or maybe that's, somethings is just too right with David to be normal.

So, we enter a battle of wills between step-son and psychotic step-father, and guess who has the upper hand? In the end, we're left with a movie that barely offers any tension, let alone scares! This is just more of the same PG-13 horror that's aimed at the 'Twilight' crowd, there's no horror here among the horror, unless you're 10 years old, then you might be scared...for a minute!

I'm giving The Stepfather 1 out of 4 cigars, it's not scary, it offers no surprises or tension in any way and is just one more example of why I really shouldn't rent horror movies that are rated PG-13! Hey, tweens, stick with the Twilight vampires and you'll get to enjoy horror when you turn 18...it's something for you to look forward to! Save yourself some money and rent the original The Stepfather starring Terry O'Quinn instead, it's grittier, more scary and just a better movie!

The Stepfather

Sheitan

2010-06-07T05:23:00.000-04:00

Have you ever watched a movie, only to sit there at the end and wonder what the hell you just saw?? Well, if you enjoy that feeling, then you're going to like the French movie, Sheitan!

The story here is about a group of kids who are out at the club on night. When one of them gets into a fight, they all decide to go to the farm house of the hot chick that they met at the club for the weekend. Rule #1 of these movies is always, 'don't go home with strangers, no matter how hot they are', so we already know that we're in trouble! When they arrive at the farm house, it is (of course) in the middle of nowhere, and the farmhand is a very strange guy (played by Vincent Cassel). Rule #2 of these movies is always, 'if the farm hand seems weird, he's probably going to kill and eat you later...you should run!', but, again, no one listens and we're soon heading to town to swim in the local hot springs with the hot chick and her weird friend!

In town, it become apparent that something is really very wrong with things, everyone seems to be a bit...how do I say this...inbred?! It's like that Deliverance kid brought his whole damned family to Europe and reproduced!!! Which leads me to Rule #3 'if the town is filled with hillbillies or mongoloids, you should just pack up and run.' With rule #3 broken, things begin getting stranger and stranger. Our farmhand friend alternates between way too friendly and openly hostile, and everyone in town seems more than slightly strange! And, there's a pregnant woman in the farm house that's apparently the farm hand's wife, and she seems just as weird as everyone else in this damned town!!!

The bottom line is that it seems that our farm tending friend is a Satan worshipper (Sheitan is French for Satan), and he's planning something particularly nasty for one of our partying friends...and when it happens, it's pretty nasty, let me tell you!

If you're in the mood for some horror that's as much psychological as it is visceral, then Sheitan is for you. But be prepared, it's French so you'll have to read subtitles (some people hate those), and the ending will send a chill down your spine...unless your family is somewhat inbred or mongoloid...in which case, both condolences and enjoy the film!

I'm giving Sheitan 3 out of 4 cigars, I wish more were explained more plainly, it's like Lost for horror movies, but there's enough here to make you want to steer clear of both lonely farm houses and towns filled with mongoloids!

Sheitan

The Wolfman

2010-06-04T06:45:00.000-04:00

Allow me to wax nostalgic momentarily. When I was a kid, there was no greater joy in my life than Saturday mornings with Sir Graves Ghastly and which ever Universal horror movie he was showing. Which movie it was barely mattered, as long as it was a monster movie and I was in front of the TV, life was just fine with me!

So, when Universal decided to redo The Wolfman, I was a bit skeptical, to say the least. But, now that it's on DVD, I checked it out and I'm glad to report that I was totally wrong in my skepticism, this new version of the Wolfman isn't really a redo, but a retelling of the classic story in a new way, in a new style, but respecting everything about the wolfman that we all knew and loved!

Here's the story, Larry Talbot is an actor in 19th century London. After a performance one night, he's informed that his brother is missing back in his hometown. Talbot leaves for home, only to discover when he arrives that his brother's body has been found, terribly mutilated. Now, Larry makes it his mission to find out who killed his brother, and all the locals seem to think it was the Gypsies who have camped on the edge of town.

When Talbot visits the gypsy camp, it's suddenly attacked by a large creature who rips and tears his way through almost everyone in camp, and manages to bite Larry...and we all know what happens when you're bitten by a werewolf, don't we?? Soon, he's changing himself and hunting on the moors for fresh meat!

The real beauty of The Wolfman is that it's exactly like a Universal monster movie would be if they made them today...which apparently they're doing!!! I was skeptical, too, about Benicio Del Toro as the lead character, but his being a 'swarthy' Englishman is explained in the story and Del Toro brings a unique pathos to the wolfman character that I wouldn't have imagined he was capable of...he's really very good in this movie!

I'm giving The Wolfman 4 out of 4 cigars, if you're a fan of the old classic horror movies, then you're sure to really enjoy this, it may be my favorite monster movie of the year!

The Wolfman

George Romero's Survival of the Dead 2-Disc Ultimate Undead Edition

2010-05-28T04:34:00.000-04:00

If you know me, then you know that if George Romero puts out a new movie, then I'm in! So, when I heard that the master of the zombie movie was releasing his first ever direct sequel, I began salivating like a zombie after brains!!! It's SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD and it's a sequel to the amazing Diary Of The Dead, which itself was a reboot of the Dead franchise that Romero himself began in 1968.

Survival isn't a sequel that picks up where Diary ended, it takes the 'bad' National Guard characters from that movie and follows them through their own story, where we learn that it's not about good and bad people, it's about dealing with a bad situation in any way you know how. The story is about 'Sarge' Crocket and his quartet of Guardsmen, who are just trying to find someplace where the dead aren't! In their quest, they find out about Plum Island, off the coast of Delaware, a place where they feel they could be safer. But, it turns out that Plum Island is the center of a feud between two family and has been for centuries. The two families, the O'Flynns and the Muldoons, each have a different way of dealing with the newly risen dead. The Muldoons feel that the zombies can be trained, while the O'Flynns think that the dead ought to stay that way.

Survival is a Romero movie of a different sort, the zombies here aren't the point, the real center of the story is the families, Muldoons, O'Flynns and Guardsmen, and how each deals with the apocalypse. The zombies here are really just bit players that have started the ball rolling, so if you're going into Survival looking for the typical gore and guts Romero movie, then put it down and walk away, this is a far more thoughtful and character driven movie than any in the Dead series. And that's exactly what makes this movie work so well!

It feels as if Romero is saying, yes, zombies rip people apart and eat them, but I've done that, let's explore this 'Dead' universe a bit more deeply than just ripping guts from someones body. And I agree with him, if Survival had just turned into another Dawn or another Night, then it would have just been the master repeating himself, this takes the theme and builds on it...and it leaves you wondering what is going on in other parts of this world overrun by the shuffling dead. And, Romero has taken the dead themselves in a new direction, the newly dead retain some of their memories, can actually be taught. These zombies aren't your mindless flesh eaters...although, if you drop your guard, they will take a big bite out of your flesh!

I'm giving SURVIVAL OF THE DEAD 3 1/2 out of 4 cigars, if what you're looking for is over the top gore and mindless shuffling masses endless chasing people, then look elsewhere, but, if you're looking for a different perspective on a world where the dead don't stay that way, then you'll enjoy this. And, personally, I hope that Romero's fire stays lit, I'd love to see him explore his dark world in more new and original ways!

George Romero's Survival of the Dead 2-Disc Ultimate Undead Edition

Rise Of The Apes

2010-05-22T09:01:00.000-04:00

Being a big Planet Of The Apes fan...with the exception of the Tim Burton fiasco, I was very pleased to read that Fox is planning yet another reboot of the Apes franchise. (http://scifiwire.com/2010/05/green-goblins-son-to-take.php#more) to star James Franco.

While this isn't supposed to be a reboot of the original franchise (that would be too much to hope for!), it does bode well for the Apes franchise over all. If you've never seen any of the original, then do yourself a favor and get out of your chair right now and go and rent or buy any of the original Planet Of The Apes movies right now! It may seem a bit campy today, but this was cutting edge stuff when I was a kid and I never fail to stop and watch it when it's on...much to my wife's chagrin!

Planet of the Apes 40th Anniversary Collection (Planet of the Apes / Beneath the Planet of the Apes / Escape From / Conquest of / Battle for) [Blu-ray]

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

2010-05-21T04:00:00.001-04:00

Let's start with this, I'm a fan of Rob Zombie. His first movie, House Of 1000 Corpses, left a bit to be desired...like an ending that made sense...but, since then, Zombie has honed his craft and his movies since The Devil's Rejects have all been amazing films! And, yes, I'm including the Halloween remakes that take such a bashing in the horror-geek community!! So, when I saw that Zombie had come up with an all animated movie about a Luchadore/adventurer, I have to admit I was a bit excited. Then, I actually saw THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO, and that excitement quickly faded!

At it's core, El Superbeasto is an homage to Fritz The Cat and other 'adult' cartoons, but it's really in the execution that it falls apart. The story pits Superbeasto, an superstar wrestler and his sister (who's also an adventurer) against the evil Dr. Satan...yes, the same character name from House Of 1000 Corpses. The evil Dr. Satan is trying to kidnap a stripper who will somehow make gain him amazing powers! Well, Superbeasto wants the same girl, so the battle is on...and Beasto's sister is drawn into the mix too.

The problem with the movie is that it's really just a mess, the story wanders between the absurd and the dark, Dr. Satan wants to destroy the world with his satanic powers, but Beasto is an vain oaf, while his Sister seems to be there mainly to be sexy and tease her robot companion! The bottom line here is that I'd just walk past THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO at the video store, if I were you. It's not that funny, it's not that sexy and it's just plain weird! Do yourself a favor and just rent The Devil's Rejects again! THE HAUNTED WORLD OF EL SUPERBEASTO gets 1 out of 4 cigars!

The Haunted World of El Superbeasto

Megan Fox Bitches Her Way Out Of Transformers 3

2010-05-20T03:46:00.000-04:00

According to SciFiWire.com (http://scifiwire.com/2010/05/whoa-megan-fox-dropped-fr.php#more), Megan Fox is out for Transformers 3...and all I can say is, why was she there in the first place?

Yes, I get it, she's hot, but is that really enough to drag you to a theatre? She can't act, and, while she may be semi-attractive, check out those weird toe-thumbs! Makes you wish she could transform those into regular human thumbs! But, personal attacks aside, Fox was never really much more than eye candy anyway, Transformers is aimed at a young male demographic and what do young males like? Explosions and hot chicks, which Transformers provided. But, Fox has spent an inordinate amount of time 'Tom Cruising' herself. No, she never jumped on Oprah's couch, but she did spend much of her time proving to middle America that she was what she appeared to be, a vapid, untalented actress!

So, let's all bid a fond adieu to Ms. Fox, and you Transformers fans will (hopefully) get a newer, hotter chick to ogle, and I'll personally start hoping that they can find a way to cgi her out of Jonah Hex!!!

Zombieland

2010-05-14T08:00:00.001-04:00

I'll freely admit that I'm a sucker for a zombie movie. That's right, you bring back the dead and I'm right there with you. So when I saw the trailer for ZOMBIELAND, I was mostly hooked. I say mostly because after Shaun Of The Dead, zombie comedies have a lot to live up to, and ZOMBIELAND manages to live up to the hype...mostly.

The story here is largely what you'd expect, a band of survivors trying to escape the zombie hordes and just find a place to live in peace...but there are some differences. First, there's the 'rules' gimmick. The lead character (who's a bit of a nerd) has written down a list of rules to help you survive the zombie apocalypse. Rules like, Cardio Is Important, Avoid Strip Clubs, Don't Be A Hero...and other rules that he's discovered through trial and error. Then there's Woody Harrelson as Tallahassee, a zombie fighter who's travelling the country looking for the last twinkee...yes, Hostess gets a big shout-out! When the nerd and the hero team up, they come across two sisters and soon the four are travelling together.

ZOMBIELAND isn't what I'd call a groundbreaking zombie movie, it's not as scary or as gory as a typical zombie movie and it's not a funny as your typical comedy....ZOMBIELAND falls somewhere in between, and that's where it really fails. Not to belabor the comparison, but a movie like Shaun Of The Dead really understood that a zombie movie is really about the gore and the horror of the living dead, while Zombieland takes the flesh eating monsters and turns them into punchlines, even when the zombies are supposed to be scary and menacing, the movie has spent so much time showing us how easy it is to beat them, that you don't really feel any suspense for the characters that are in danger.

The bottom line here is that, if you're a real zombie fan...like me...then you'll probably enjoy ZOMBIELAND, but if you're looking for either a zombie movie or a comedy, then you should look elsewhere. It's fun, but it's not fully either genre. I'm giving ZOMBIELAND 2 1/2 out of 4 cigars, it's okay for fans, but this isn't going to convert anyone who's on the fence.

Zombieland

Moon

2010-05-07T05:02:00.002-04:00

If you know me at all, then you know that I'm a HUGE nerd, and that's not a fat joke, either. I love me some of that sci-fi! Well, I'd heard about the Sam Rockwell movie, MOON, but hadn't had the chance to check it out, then my brother-in-law (who's nowhere near a nerd) recommended it so highly that I couldn't resist any longer. And, I have to admit, he was right and I can't believe it took me this long to see this amazing movie!

The story is really very bare-bones, Sam Rockwell plays a miner on the moon, who's been there alone for 3 years with only an assistant robot for companionship. Now, it's near the end of his tour and he's beginning to have hallucinations and some health problems. I could add more detail to my description, but, you wouldn't want me to ruin it for you...trust me!

Let me just say that Sam Rockwell may be one of the most talented actors of this generation. I've seen him in other movies, but here, playing multiple roles (all as the same person) Rockwell really shines, and if you think it's just the same part multiplied, you're totally wrong, his nuanced performance's as the same character at different times in his life is AMAZING! MOON is one of those movies that you really have to see, it may sound dull, or like something that you've already seen, but director Duncan Jones has taken a genre that has been "done to death" and managed to find a new take and bring some new life to it. I'm giving MOON 4 out of 4 cigars, it's well worth your rental dollar!

Moon

Dead Snow

2010-04-30T04:50:00.002-04:00

I have two words for you, Nazi Zombies! Now, if that doesn't interest you in the movie DEAD SNOW, then I'm afraid you're at the wrong web site, my friend! This Norwegian movie may not be the most original concept, but it's execution is nearly flawless and, let's face it, Nazi Zombies!! Come On!!!

The story here is about a group of medical students who head off into the mountains, to a remote cabin, for a little vacation. When a local man shows up on their doorstep, warning them the tale of a group of particularly sadistic Nazis who disappeared into the mountains, the group laughs him off. But, I think you know what's on the horizon, don't you? Yep, the dude was right, the Nazis are there and soon, our medical students begin being killed off one by one, in extremely grisly and original ways.

DEAD SNOW owes a lot to Evil Dead, in that it's the same basic framework that the movie is built on, and DEAD SNOW even nods it's head to the horror movies that it's homaging...Evil Dead, Braindead and others. The real fun here is...you guessed it....Nazi Zombies! When the blood begins to flow, it flows in spades! There are a couple of really cool gags in here...and when I say gag, I mean way more than set-pieces...let's just say that intestines are a lot tougher than I thought they were!

I'm giving DEAD SNOW 4 out of 4 cigars, this is your basic, cold blooded zombie movies, but you add the Nazis to the mix and you've got yourself a near perfect horror movie. And, with the short set up for a sequel, I think we're bound to see the Reich rise again...at least on film!

Dead Snow

Chris LaMartina Needs Your Help!

2010-04-29T10:32:00.000-04:00

I've seen several of Chris' movies and he's very talented, and deserves our support! So, even if it's only a couple of bucks, if you're a fan of indie movies, then think about putting your money where your mouth is!

3D Or Not 3D, That Is The Question

2010-04-27T04:12:00.000-04:00

It seems that 3D is the flavor of the month. Recently, on a search for a new TV, I was accosted by a salesman who was desperately trying to see me on the "new" 3D technology! Well, friends, having seen this fad come and go once in my life and I can tell you, it's just a fad and it will go away again...and here's why.

First, while the technology has advanced much further than in the 80s (when the fad last hit), it's still not perfected. And by that I mean I still have to wear glasses to enjoy the technology. And, while it might be fine to put on dopey glasses once in a while to go to an event movie, I can't imagine having to keep track of glasses in my house just to catch the latest episode of Law And Order! And, besides keeping track of another piece of equipment that I need to watch TV, there's the headache that the new 'amazing technology' gave me. Now, I'll get to enjoy that headache every time I watch anything at home too! Thanks, technology guys, I nearly got to just enjoy TV!

Second, the 3D movies I've seen out there are (mostly) aimed at kids. Sure, there was Avatar, but since then it's been only kids movie, and, let's face it, there hasn't been ONE movie that was well written that's utilized the technology in a way that advances the story. 3D is merely another special effect, and, if you're like me, the effects are cool, but you really need a good story to put them around! And not to bash Avatar, while it was pretty cool seeing the new 3D technology, the story itself was...to say the least...lacking! I suggest to you that, if 3D becomes the 'next big thing' in movies, then the writers can pretty much call it quits, because filmmakers will worry more about what things look like than about telling us a great, original story....which is what movies are supposed to be about, after all!

So, here's an idea, when you come up with a way to make that cool 3D a part of the story-telling, and you find a way to get it to work without having to wear sunglasses in my home, then we'll talk about a 3D TV. Until then, here's an idea for Hollywood, take a look at today's TV, with shows like Caprica, Flashforward, Fringe, Law And Order: SVU, Lost and countless others, all these shows have one thing in common...great writing! I think that people are looking for great stories...not cool gimmicks!

Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except

2010-04-23T06:13:00.001-04:00

While it's not a very well known movie, it is quite a cult hit. It's THOU SHALT NOT KILL...EXCEPT, and it's a movie that I'm hoping to catch again this weekend at Motor City Nightmares. Why catch again? Well, the last time I saw THOU SHALT NOT KILL...EXCEPT in the mid-80s in a theatre...that's right, I'm that old!

This low budget story of Vietnam vets who come home, only to find their town overrun by a bizarre cult is almost entire unexceptional...except for the movie's villain. The cult leader, a Manson-like character with dreadlocks is played by a very young Sam Raimi!!!

That's right, the man who brought us The Evil Dead and Spiderman in, what I believe, is the only movie role he ever took! So, if you happen to run into a large man, who's eyes are partly glazed over, partly filled with nostalgic tears...that'll be me!

Oh, and by the way, if memory serves, this is at least a 3 out of 4 cigar movie, but I'll check back in after I see it again. So, until next time, meet me at Motor City Nightmares and we'll see for ourselves!

Thou Shalt Not Kill... Except

Extract

2010-04-22T06:12:00.000-04:00

Got the chance to sit down and check out the latest movie from Mike Judge, EXTRACT, yesterday. Being a huge fan of Office Space, and an enjoyer of Idiocracy, I was really looking forward to Judge's return to blue collar comedy. Well, to say I was disappointed is a bit of an overstatement...but not much.

Joel is a normal working guy, who just happens to have built an extract business from the ground up. Now, he's hopeful that he'll be able to sell it to a huge company and just retire and enjoy life. Well, he's also having troubles at home, it seems that his wife and he have hit a bit of a dry patch and he's desperate to restart the romance in the relationship.

All this leads to Joel listening to advice from Dean the bartender (played by Ben Affleck) that leads to nothing but more trouble! Joel hires a gigolo to tempt his wife, in the hopes that she'll cheat, which will give him the license to have a little affair of his own with Cindy, the temp that just started work at the extract plant...Cindy is played by Mila Kunis, and saying she's hot is just a huge understatement!

Well, Joel's wife cheats, the marriage hits even rockier ground, Joel cheats, which doesn't do much for him at all...and generally things get worse before they get better...which is usually the case in these things.

EXTRACT isn't the funniest movie I've ever seen, but it has some small moments David Koechner as the annoying neighbor sort of echoes the Lumburgh character in Office Space and Judge himself appears as a plant worker and is quite amusing. In general, EXTRACT is a hollow echo of Office Space, it tries really hard, but just doesn't live up to that movies originality or dark humor. I'm giving EXTRACT 2 out of 4 cigars, it's alright for a slow afternoon's viewing, but it's not something I'd rush to check out!

Extract

I Sell The Dead- DVD

2010-04-22T05:18:00.003-04:00

So you say you like a good zombie movie, but you're tired of the same old, same old? You know what I mean, some strange government experiment goes wrong and something is released into the atmosphere that either brings back the dead, or kills people and then reanimates them! Yes, I'm a bit tired of them too, after all, there's only so much that our government is capable of...and I'm pretty sure that raising the dead is waaaay beyond them!

Well, a new movie from writer/director Glenn McQuaid, I SELL THE DEAD, is exactly what the doctor (or the bad movie guy) ordered!

Arthur and Willie are grave robbers, but not the bad kind. You see, the movie is set in a time when medical science is being advanced and what doctors need is good, fresh corpses to pull apart and see how people tick...so to speak. Well, Arthur and Willie are hard working sods, who are just trying to make a living digging up fresh corpses for Dr. Quint (who's brilliantly played by Angus Scrimm!). Well, when they come across an undead body one night, things change for them. You see, undead bodies stay a lot fresher for a longer time, so all Arthur and Willie have to do is find undead bodies and drag them back to the doctor...sounds like a pretty easy job, doesn't it?

Now, don't think that this is just a movie about two guys digging up bodies, there's so much more here. For example, the movie itself isn't a normal narrative, the movie is 'told' by Arthur to a local monk after Willie has been beheaded after being convicted of grave robbing, and there's the small matter of a rival bunch of body snatchers who Willie and Arthur run afowl of...and there's much more there too.

Arthur is played wonderfully by Dominic Monaghan, but the real scene stealer here is Larry Fessenden as Willie, who brings just the right mix of grim grit and humor to a role that could have gone really bad in the wrong hands!

I'm giving I SELL THE DEAD 4 out of 4 cigars, it's a cool little movie that everyone can enjoy, there's just enough gore and horror to keep us fans entertained, but enough story and character development to keep all you movie snobs interested too! It's a movie that I highly recommend!

I Sell The Dead- DVD

Kolchak - The Night Stalker

2010-03-15T05:12:00.017-04:00

For some reason, I've been on a tear lately with the old series from 1974, Kolchak: The Night Stalker, starring Darren McGavin. If you've never seen it, it's about a reporter who seems to always find the supernatural stories. He doesn't look for them, he just stumbles onto them, and, since he's a believer, he's perfectly willing to follow the story to the truth, no matter how obsurd it might sound to his editor.

Originally aired in 1974, after two highly rated TV movies, Kolchak: The Night Stalker is one of the most underrated TV shows in history (in my never to be humble opinion). McGavin brings the perfect amount of 'everyman' and 'veteran reporter' to the table, Simon Oakland is perfect as Tony Vincenzo, Kolchak's ever put upon editor and, while each story is basically the 'monster' of the week, they never become repetative and each monster is an individual...although, you might wonder how so many monsters might populate Chicago with no one else noticing!

And, speaking of Chicago, since this was all shot in the 70s, all the exteriors and longshots of Kolchak in Chicago are actually shot in the city, which gives the series an authenticity that wouldn't happen today.

If you're a fan of The X Files, and you've never seen Kolchak: The Night Stalker, then you need to run to the video store NOW and grab this series. The whole series is available in one package and it's well worth your money! 4 out of 4 cigars!

Kolchak - The Night Stalker